vindicated

"The poor soul sat sighing by a sycamore tree,
Sing all a green willow;
Her hand on her bosom, her head on her knee,
Sing willow, willow, willow;
The fresh streams ran by her and murmured her moans;
Sing willow, willow, willow.
Her salt tears fell from her and softened the stones -
Sing willow, willow willow..."

altho i cant imagine how this song will sound like in an actual Shakespearen play, i think i can imagine how Desdemona was feeling when she sang it; an epitome of sadness enveloped in an innocent woman, whose only fault was to love too much.

argh.


got these pictures frm seok's blog. hehe sry seok! but they're so beautiful, and rather professional *grin* was rather disappointed tt i didnt get to go. circumstances wouldnt allow it, n i did have my fair share of fun during the day. sigh. what a waste.. wonder if there'll b next times. sigh.





Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out

i shld b studying. but ive just lost the drive to do so. burn out? idk. havent been studying that much in the first place. when theres a will, theres a way. thing is, i cant find the will. doesnt help tt my dad bought back every single episode of star wars. hmm.

argh.

funny how many pple i saw at westmall today while reading othello. i saw mr sim clad in casuals for once. then i saw jason, ian, and gladys. hmm. interesting.

sentimental...

ahh today marks the official end of strings : ) bittersweet feelings tt arise frm the memories shared, happy or otherwise, n the only thing tt made strings worthwhile - the camaraderie. its sad knowing tt there r some friends who wont b as close to each other wit the absence of strings prac, but tis also a test of the depth of friendships forged. friends come and go, but true friends will always remain true : )

performance during nat' day thanksgiving service today wasnt all too gd. but ahh whatever it's our last one. =p went to watch charlie and the chocolate factory wit wayne n mac. whee :D it was gd. made me feel like i was ten again. not like ive ever lost my desire for chocolates lol. a trip to venezia after tt brought me back to guilt lane when i saw SO many AC students wit heads bowed and pens in their hands, busy scribbling down answers for past yr prelim papers in various cafes. immediate course of action: shifted tuition to an earlier time, and had bout 3 hours straight of integration after icecream.

Jealousy is the green-eyed monster that doth mocks the meat which it feeds on - Shakespeare

i cant agree more with the guy more.

shakespeare seems to make more and more sense to me as i read it, graduating frm a mess of jumbled alien english words to a tragedy wit philosophical statements applicable in daily life. yet, i cant seem to enjoy much of it when im trying to memorize two full Shakespearen plays into my head, and a 400-page descriptive novel of nature and characters of men.

just.my.luck.

boulevard of unfulfilled dreams

omg i witnessed something that normal people shouldnt have observed. visual disarray. lesson learnt: nv walk into a bathroom wit music plugged in via headphones tt dissect all other sounds around u. you nv kno who's in the bathroom.

ugh my study drive has been utterly disintegrated by longings and cravings tt often seem the much easier way out of the claustrophobic situation tt we've been holed into. in my boredom on the train ive ranked em in accordance to degree of craving n utility =P

joy's wishlist
1) b-r-o-w-n-i-e-s (with icecream). i cant emphasize it enough. enough is never enough. i cant keep track of how many times ive fallen victim to my sweet tooth. daily scoop's definitely the first destination to head to after exams.

2) fireworks @ the bay!! as i read the newspaper ytd i was SO psyched up bout 'spectacular display of simultaneous fireworks at different locations' and 'three times more fireworks this year' tt i made a mental note to be at esplanade on national day, only to sigh in dismay as i snapped back into reality. GRR. half of me says screw prelims what is life if you're not enjoying it, but the other half of me juz cant seem to content wit tt argument. for now, im all for it :p who wants to watch lets go together :D

3) charlie and the chocolate factory!! highly recommended by cyan n dan! :)
4) shopping!!
5) Mac hotcakes : ) amazing how a "soft" comment made by clement during lit lecture today cld spiral into a craving lol. i looked at seok, n saw tt she was thinking the same thing too haha. too bad we arrived at macs too late for breakfast, where upon kb's request, we found out tt the hotcakes have been dumped down the bin. owell.

ok enough sitting, waiting and wishing. bear wit it for another... 3 weeks?! o_0 for now i'll just watch fishes swim around. if it had therapeutic effects on ms yue, it wld work on me too. thing is, all i have is my sister's fighting fish that does not move an inch in his plastic container which is his home. so much for therapeutic fishes.

only hope

Theres one thing I know
The blues he sends to meet me wont defeat me
It wont be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep falling on my head
But that doesnt mean my eyes will soon be turnin red
Cryings not for me
Cause Im never gonna stop the rain by complainin
Because Im free
Nothing's worrying me : )

such a happy song. summertime no-worries song : ) i wont worry my life away. lifes too short to live each day twice. therefore, do not worry about tmr. for tmr will worry about itself!

i do remember. the laughter, the joy, and the connection. seeing you brought back memories. but they're juz memories now. things turned out the way they have, n it isnt in our power to change em. life goes on. lets face it with a smile alright? : ) a cheerful heart is gd medicine, but the broken spirit dries up the bones

the morning rain seems to have washed away my worries, along wit fears and troubles tt i have been preoccupied wit. cleared up my mind enough to cram in the law of marginal utility, alongside plunging waves and longshore drift, even some maclaurin's series. im satisfied, but this race isnt over. it has barely begun. but for now im giving myself a pat on the back, have a break, have a go at ur newly polished&tuned piano! : )

It's a happy day, and i thank God for the weather
It's a happy day, and i'm living it for my God!
It's a happy day, and things are gonna get better,
Living each day in the promises of God's word

our pw song! lol brings back so much memories. fond or otherwise :p

this love

turbulences. waves that keep crashing over me this week. again n again. battering me. this tree standing in the middle of the sea isnt gonna b able to take it anymore. one of these days, this tree is gonna b uprooted. when that day comes, all thats gonna b left will b mere memories.

A solitary rose grew in the darkest corner of the garden
Surrounded by many others
Yet remained alone

Time passed and trials came and went
One dealt a severe blow
And the rose began to wilt and wither.

this is tougher than i thought.

focus. concentration. determination. three easy-to-say, hard-to-apply formulas that do not add up to what ive been giving. its hard to find smiles and enthusiasm while u're struggling wit exhaustion, fluctuating emotions, and excruciating pressure. try, try, try again. i need something to hold on to. to cling on for dear life. cant seem to find it. maybe cuz there isnt such a thing.

i glance over my shoulder, only to see the warm temptation of snuggling up cozy into bed, with the gentle reassurance of being embraced in the arms of dreamland. keyword here is: temptation. argh.

chamber today was.. a rehearsal for national day. dont think it went too fantastic, tho i did observe how unjoyful our music sounded as we sawed away "joyful, joyful, we adore thee", in sync with an opera singer in the background. but the national day songs sounded pretty gd : ) cheesy lyrics, but sounding happy cheerful n most importantly, joyful. yayy

ive made up my mind. the first thing im gonna do when prelims r over (which will b in approximately a MONTH o_0), is shopping and brownies. shopping&brownies. shopping&brownies. maybe thats wad i'll cling on to for now. : )

If we need it this could be the end
Of feeling crazy
The end of feeling sad

go muggers! we can do it : )

batter my heart three-personed God

"The setting sun, and music at the close,
As the last taste of sweets, is sweetest last,
Writ in remembrance more than things long past."

three rather busy days juz whizzed past in a whirl. time well spent? well, probably. but somehow i cant recall the tangible elements of the days.. juz that in the past few days, ive been feeling rather lighthearted; living the life of Riley : )

yesterday's scholarship convention got me pretty psyched about college, as images of university life in the USA flash past in the powerpoint presentation. it has been somewhat a childhood dream to live and study in in the USA, part and parcel of the westernization that is consequential to globalization. and then i start to ponder if i rly want to disconnect myself frm a familiar community that i have invested my whole life in; departing to an alien world wit no one to turn to, forced into utmost independence and maturity. faced with the internal contention which i have yet to find answers to, i place everything into God's hands, upholding the faith that i will go to wherever He wants me to go.

so anyways~ back to the convention, i was rather disappointed to find limited booths that offer scholarships participating. out of the minimal few that were attainable and present, was the SAF scholarship. yet, i was dismayed to find out that the scholarship involved a 6 year bond to the army, including 3 months BMT (with guys) and more army training that did not exclude jungle trekking n weapons handling. *gasp* but come to think of it, it may b a viable option considering my heart prob that will render me unfit for rigorous physical training. i may juz be posted to admin work in the army. but idk if they'll b as stupid as to leave that loophole in the system unexposed and uncovered.. *fingers crossed*

"You are what happened when I wished upon a star."

panacea of my heart

quietude. solitude. weariness. essence of the thurs school day. emotions that transcend understanding. thoughts than metamorphosed into confusion. mechanically shuffling in and out of classrooms. mumbling prayers of steel. lost in utter translation.

we've walked onto separate islands. no communications, no hope. nothing left to say; nothing left to feel. why have i been so deluded? i experience a myriad of unexplained thoughts and feelings. trapped in my very own dreamscape. no, make it nightmare-scape.

frustrations. annoyance. disappointment. you - a once 'is', now but a 'was'. i know i shouldnt care. but i cant help but do. you've turned me against you, yet u're unaware.

Hold me in Your arms,
never let me go

someone give me a beer.

diabetes!! : )

omg. I really wonder if I deserve to be treated so nice sometimes. jeremy's seriously a sweetie. what was meant as a passing comment bout my brownie craving became a reality when he bought me TWO mrs fields brownies and brought it to my place!!! *gasps* how better than to end a day with the chocolate, sugar, and everything nice...

BUT... thats not gonna happen cuz im down with a fever -.- of all days ugh!

had a rly long gd talk wit mac ytd. Its becoming like a lil mon weekly thing lol to have our long talks after tuition but its great company I have to say : ) we successfully chilled away 3 rather eventful hours in the music room ytd while waiting for tuition to start. mac n Edwin had their lil accident, and I found myself walking all the way to the sports complex to get the deep heat spray, only to find myself in my own lil 'accident' there. Grrr...

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend;
I'll help you carry on : )

I must say Im rather pleased wit myself today for a rather successful study session after sch in the hub : ) thanks kenneth for the mexican souvenirs and lollies! they were nice : ) I had one-on-one consultation for econs too. Woo bring on the pressure. but im glad ive got some doubts cleared up now : )

Lol looking back on my past entries.. I realized they've been pretty opaque and obscure =p guess pple prolly dont kno wad im writing bout.. unless they kno me well lol. Ah well thats the beauty of blogging. ultimate liberty in content. hehe : )

here's an inspirational i found that was pretty gd dosage to my procrastination:

"Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans"

of course, if you're like mac, whose response was 'but i dont have plans!' when told of the quote, i guess it doesnt apply haha :p

ich liebe dich

instead of studying music therapy, i think i might venture into the art of retail therapy lol. i swear, it works magic. maybe the study of how it works will allow legitimate shopping in the future : )

So lift up your heart to the heavens;
Theres a loving and kind Father there
Who offers release - comfort and peace -
In the silent communion of prayer

amidst all, i felt a sense of emptiness in me today. like a void created deep in my heart. was it loneliness? i dont think so. even when i was with friends that feeling plagued me. it wasnt because they were bad company. but more because i had a myriad of unanswered questions swimming in my head. sometimes i wonder what i live for each day. what my purpose is in each day. whether i was happy because of the unnamed obligation that comes with my name to appear JOYful and cheered.

i realized i have changed from the person i was last year. things were so much simpler and clearcut last year. there was a freedom last year that juxtaposes against the claustrophobia that i have experienced this year. i cant determine whether the change was for the better or for the worse just yet. in a sense ive become more vocal about my thoughts while i use to take whatever that came last time. but that also means that i have a lower tolerance level for issues that i use to be able to take.

When i'm far away, You were there
To draw me back again, into Your care

i closed my journal of 7 years ytd with a final entry on its last pages. the flowery book that has brought me through my turmoiled thoughts and esctatic delights since i was 12 has finally been filled cover-to-cover with my memories that i would never exchange for anything in the world. i was hoping it would last me through A levels, which would then have been filled with my 3 major exams - PSLE, O'levels and A levels. but doesnt seem like it :p i shld go journal shopping now.

So here i am, all by myself
Thinking of you, nobody else
Theres a feeling inside, and as hard as i try
It just wont go away

in my desolation, God's words are so soothing. Scott Krippayne once sang:

In my deepest night He is the guiding star;
In my sinfulness He is the forgiving heart;
A willing ear for each silent prayer,
A shoulder for budens i cannot bear -
Sweet company from now through all eternity"

and i say, amen : )

of course, theres always the ridiculously hilarious behavior of my dogs that never fail to make me laugh no matter what the circumstances were.



cant imagine how she managed to arrange herself in such a small BATA shoe box. the amazing works of the animals' minds.

it's pouring outside now, and the cool wind's blowing. the perfect weather to tuck myself into the warmth of my bed, and catch the early flight to lalaland.

out and over.

more to life

"Up in the skies, I look very carefully to see your face.
I wonder if you're there, I wonder if you're thinking of me tonight
I just want to tell you that looking at the stars makes me think of you"

school's a drag. it rly is : (

shopping. brownies. chocolates. ice-creams. movies. shopping. again.

soon. right.