this is it

i don't understand why i cant perform on stage anymore.
i used to thrive in performance, be it in choir, orchestra, piano, etc. i loved it, i loved the attention, i loved the applause, and i loved the exhiliration.
but of late i realized i cant handle it anymore - i black out, forget my act/lyrics, do the wrong things and don't cover up well. i cant perform anymore.
it's annoying, to have something that you once love turn into something that you now fear.
i know it's a psychological barrier; something i need to get over and deal with. but i cant do it until i figure out what this barrier is, or what's causing this barrier.
soo annoying!

gna start preparing for the econs d&d soon. this graduation dinner/party marks the end of my NUS life, although technically it hasnt really ended yet considering i still have reso's VO4 rehearsals, as well as summer school to finish up my hons track.
but it's the only symbolic event i'm gonna get to mark the end of my college career, since i wont be attending the commencement due to clashes with summer semester :x
no throwing of grad hats, wearing of billowing grad gowns, or receiving my degree scroll from a dean whom i've never met, or laughing at the honorary guests who sleep on stage during commencement speeches.
this.is.it

smile in vietnamese

gooood morning vietnam!

waking up today in one of vietnam's bestest hotel is one of the nicest feeling ever.
i'm refreshed, renewed, and rejuvenated, with all the love in the world for this beautiful hotel and the service staff, who have been so generous and so kind to the us.
not because this is a 5-star hotel that we paid a bomb for and are merely reaping the gains of money spent; this is but a 2-star hotel that cost about 10USD/night, in the busy but not-so-class street of Cua Dong in Hanoi.
however, the 5 of us all concurred that this hotel felt more like home than any of the others that we've stayed at in this trip, despite being the cheapest, and lowest star-rated one.

on the other hand, the hotel which we paid the most for was one of the worst we've stayed in, in our LIVES.
we went on a tour to Halong Bay the past 2 days with Ocean Tours, and while we had a really wonderful english-speaking tour guide who was filled with zest and enthusiastic about everything, the accomodation was pretty much everything in its opposite.
to put it in a few words - we literally stayed in an attap house, complete with leaking roofs, no air-con, hot water only in fixed times, and a haven for insects on rainy days. and i'm not even exaggerating.
this was the Ocean Beach Resort that was part of our tour package, and while the journey there was quite some fun (as we kayaked the valleys and through the caves, visited floating fishing villages, and lazed on the deck of the boat), the resort was the epitomy of idyllic, with basically nothing to do other than hang around the beach restaurant, play some pool, table soccer, and drink.
great if you're nearing your 60s, and are okay with lazing your hours by the sea; but not that fantastic if you're looking for an adventure.
pictures will be up soon of the beach resort - it has made urban living and everything else in my life appear just abit more bright and wonderful.

anyway, now that mac has awoken from his deep slumber, it is time for free breakfast!
idk why i woke so early, considering how late we stayed up last night playing poker/blackjack with Vietnam dong.
it's soooo fun to gamble with dong - it makes you feel bloody rich ("I raise $5,000!")
yea but today's the last day in Hanoi, and also the last day at Serenity -wails-
tomorrow it's back to Ho Chi Minh by plane, back to its hecticism and crazy traffic.
today we're going on a motorbike tour (if it's safe), and then to the airport.
i'm going to miss Hanoi! :(