im complete in you

the few pics taken of our string ensemble after syf revealed rly happy smiles. i feel rly warm looking at the pics, knowing it was the moment when we were rewarded for the hard work we've put in :) and i realized there were actually quite a few girls in chamber. somehow i was under the impression that there was a larger ratio of guys.


ACJC strings (from mel's cam)

arts fac satay night today! gd food. tho i didnt rly get to eat much. but i did smuggle a few satays in for strings peeps. :p we had sectionals today. and i realize ive developed a sorta protective instinct for victor lol. it's weird cuz he's prolly twice my size, but he's also like a lil brother to me. haha. guess its obvious i nv had lil brothers.

went to venezia after chamber. :) gd food, gd company.

im happy.

truly truly blessed

i feel rly blessed by God's love and grace. things always work out when i call out to our Holy Father. i know in Him i can place my trust and faith. for He is my pillar of strength and foundation :) He truly grants strength to the weary and power to the poor. amen.

things have been rather smooth-sailing. because of God's mercy in my life. firstly, AC strings got a gold for syf! :) it's my first ever gold in my performing life, and altho i kno that some pple arent rly happy cuz we didnt get honors along wit the gold, but i think we did a gd job, and it's all in God's grace that we even made thus far frm where we started frm. praise the Lord!

we went up on stage to shake Mrs Principal's hand today. in my opinion it was pretty retarded and an act of self-glorification, but twas an experience nonetheless. the guys taopoked wayne in the backstage, n weizhe grabbed zhic's leg thinking it was wayne's. lol. that was funny. tho it didnt clear the way for unhappy stuff that occured after tt. bleh. some pple are juz way too rigid.

God's grace acted via the postponement of the geog test which was sposed to be tmr as well. i didnt have time to study due to numerous commitments, but God took the burdan off me graciously, wit the sudden postponement of the test till nxt fri. this came along wit the extension of the deadline of our E4 essay, which was also due tmr. praise God.

im also finally gonna start math tuition wit macarthur, and hopefully in due time, get my overdued A for math :)

i feel truly blessed and touched wit God's love. to have so many amazing friends beside me. went out wit seok shai and kb juz now for dinner. its been a long time since we've went out. and im rly glad we did :) had alot of fun with them.

mr tan treated the entire string orch to pizza ytd after our syf. :) a few seniors came to support us at syf it was rly nice to see them again. haha. thnx to those pple who showered us wit well-wishes as well!

I lift my eyes to You, Lord. In Your strength will i break through, Lord

fly me to the moon

i cant believe syf's tmr. ive barely begun to comprehend wads going on and term 2 is ending. we've worked rly hard for it, having rehearsals EVERY single day. ive more or less perfected my parts. :) go AC.

ive been watching the clock go past 12am every night b4 i could finally close my eyes in peace. theres juz too much work to complete, and too many datelines ive breached. prelims in 14 weeks. time to start working some ass off.

sunday was pretty fun :) church service was.. pretty ok. o and during cg we redrew the map surrounding our church. or rather, attempted to. wasnt all that successful due to the scale mismatch. :P had lunch wit the 87ers, and the guys went to dota. met up wit charles while waiting for my sister to watch a movie before bringing my sister home.

monday: short day. went home for a shower. back to school for chamber. had dinner. oh dinner was rather interesting. we bought chicken chop and sausages frm coldstorage, and then wolfed them down on kap steps nxt to the mcdonalds figurines. :) it was quite an experience lol.

tuesday: today. long day. sleepy throughout. chamber after school. went out for 'dinner', or wad was dinner haha.

ok im gibberish. im too tired to think. thank God we're excused frm sch tmr due to syf. go AC!

im a believer

"God gives strength to the weary, and increases the power of the weak." got that verse off the cover of cherie's notebook. and somehow it's been great encouragement to me these few days, to kno that God is there walking with me and supporting me. there's so much to do and so little time. i feel rly worn out. prelims in a few months time. ive barely started on revision. i can barely finish the work that's dished out right now.

read an article bout the S'pore lecture today. seems rather gd. i wanted to go for it. but i had the geog debate/forum that day. which thot tickles me as i recall one of the top Australian speaker approaching us during tea break, aptly summing up our experience at the forum, and i quote, as being "better than school, since there were good food, free drinks, and boring speakers" at the forum, clearly referring to our trip to dreamland during the speeches. well, even the teacher fell asleep.

had econs tuition in the morning today at kb's, and chamber thereafter. mac had a rather embarrassing but hilarious 'guy disaster' in the music room while aiming a kick at charles. poor boy became the butt of jokes after tt lol.

went for lunch wit edwin n charles after tt, and went for worship prac. had a pleasant encounter wit the hot pink london cab, which driver shaved some of the fare off for me :) benefits of the sch uniform. lol.

you sang to me

rutter and sospiri is permanently etched in my mind now, as with mep's beethoven symphony no4 when i was taking music. wit all these rehearsals.. maybe i'll get my violin mark soon on my chin. :P not that i want it actually.

woohoo i burnt off some calories ytd by completing 3 rounds of run wit joanne. miraculously we decided to attempt napfa silver after a year of absolutely NO pe. my running's deteriorated by alot. joshua timed us and we clocked a 2 min plus for one round. atrocious.

had rehearsals ytd and today. or 'training', as shai puts it. intensive stuff. syf's next wed. we should be putting in more effort i guess. hope we get a gold :)

went out for dinner after rehearsals today. i rly wonder wat happened to my appetite nowadays. hunger no longer seems to register in my dictionary. not that im complaining. but i reckon it highly unhealthy to go without much food for about 2 weeks now.

somebody's watching over me

my mood's been pretty erratic these past few days. lots of ups and downs. thnx for the pple who've tolerated my unexplainable emotions.

today pretty much passed in a glaze of time. barely thinking, barely feeling. i feel like a mechanical machine forced to absorb all that info coming at me. the thing is, it doenst seem to go in. GP exam after sch was ok i guess. i did fairly well for the essay, but more or less screwed up my compre. my brain juz completely stopped working by the time i reached the AQ.

kb provided us wit some mild entertainment after the exam. or rather, he was forced to. darius raj n kenneth effectively dumped him into the pool after kindly removing his bag and shoes as pple were streaming outta the exam hall. lol. happy birthday kb :)

hmm. i cant rmb much for mon & tues. vague tunes of beethoven and rutter still ring in my head tho. o right. ytd we went to SCH for rather intensive rehearsals till 11. sam daniel cindy dhar charles mac edwin victor and i went to breko (again!) for lunch/dinner b4 that. on the bus back to AC after rehearsals, we had some funky vodka. poor edwin turned tomato red.

monday was performance at esplanade. not b4 some intensive studying in the library wit seok n cherie. it was rather interesting. the beautiful dressing room always makes u feel so much at home. :) so after performance charles mac and i went out for supper. at delifrance.

i knew i loved you before i met you. i think i dreamed you into life

beautiful beyond description

i feel a sense of serenity in me. being at peace wit God. with this, coupled wit the mode of ataraxis, there couldnt be a happier me.

did a double-church-service today. went to kenneth's church wit wayne zhic and lifeng after my church service and lunch :) although initially, the sheer magnitude of the queue outside new creation and style of worship seemed rather intimidating to me. but i was rly touched by how devoted and committed the pple were. to be surrounded by so many pple willing to give in to God.. it was truly an experience lol. in my opinion, the praise and worship session was DA BOMB. and then the sermon by pastor prince, which i didnt rly agree wit unfortunately. a prosperity sermon. while certain segments of his sermon rly applied to me n hit bullseye, the others i couldnt take in as something i could accept. o well. it was a blessed service nonetheless, to be able to worship God wit friends and dwell in God's love together. and the people say, amen.

zhic's mom gave all of us a squeezy ride home. the 4 of us were sandwiched into his backseat. thank God lifeng's so small. oh and i find it rather amusing how guys have an obscure fascination wit the word 'fecundity'. that word nv fails to tickle.

ytd was yet another blessed and fulfilled day. it started out wit lunch wit sarah n kenneth and then chamber rehearsals (sorry for ditching u sarah!). rehearsals were BLEAH-ly terrible tho. one of the worst rehearsals we've had i think. u could totally sense the frustration and irritated vibe above our heads, esp the conductor's. o well practice makes perfect.

so after rehearsals charles n i went for dinner at breko. we killed time till bout 7pm and i went for tuition at HA. took a LONG detour wit an irrevocably stupid cab driver who took me back to where i boarded after 20 minutes of senseless driving. as a result, i was half an hour late for tuition. but thank God he didnt charge me a single cent for the night ride.

im so glad theres no mid-year exams. im rather behind in work right now, esp in my lack of comprehension for math. and good God theres a math common test this coming week. alongside wit GP exam and econs test. in God's grace....

lonely no more

its kinda hard to feel the friday frenzy nowadays. weekends aint much of weekends.

today's issue is about totally wrong timings.
1)i was excruciatingly late today due to the cursed jam all along sunset way. but dc wasnt all that bad. we got let off early, n plus i saw quite alotta pple there at dc :) including a number of strings pple lol. weizhe joseph victor n i were all late. but as a result i couldnt watch the water polo match against HC. but we won! :) yayy AC.

2)weizhe n i were walking out after dc. the minute we stepped foot on the concourse, the sky poured buckets on cue, from a dry sunny day to a thunder storm in a split second. -_- got a ride frm weizhe in the end. lol he gave me new-found inspiration to pick up my now dusty highway code. he studied a day b4, and completed the 1h theory test in 15 minutes. :) my hero.

on thurs we had chamber till 9pm. it was tiring stuff. but rly fun nonetheless. the guys provided free entertainment wit their macho fun, roughing each other up. the SA guys attempted to dump kb down the drain, and then charles n mac had pillow wrestling fights in brahms. as they say, laughter is the best medicine :)

one in a million

today looks like a brighter day. the flu has cleared considerably wit my constant popping of pills. feels gd to be able to breathe properly at least.

hmm. chamber ytd was rather interesting. we had private tutoring in twos. i paired up wit samuel, and kenneth joined us cuz he came late. it was pretty gd actually. the pointers made were gd. and it was less intimidating playing in a threesome rather than alone. especially when kenneth n samuel both played rly loud :P

between the tutoring sessions we had combined orch in the hub. massacred thru the kronos pieces. victor's my new desk partner i think. and he was pretty gd sightreading all the new pieces. respect.

hmm. pple in AC rly love gossip n rumors. it's no surprise alotta pple seem rly 'well informed' at all times.

[later. 2:18pm]
im desperately trying to finish reading the 'the things they carried' by tim o'brien. but somehow wit the completion of each chapter, i would feel the need the need to pause and reflect. somehow, idk how, this book has managed to get me more emotionally involved than the other war books that we have. it harps on the physical and psychological death of soldiers in the Vietnam war. rly gruesome details, and yet idk if all these were story-truths or happening-truths. according to the author, it doesnt matter whether he is writing about the truth, because he brings out his own definition of truth in war, and forces readers to adopt this line of truth as the truth. nonetheless, a personal recount of his war experience in some sense. no doubt some "sorry, sorry shit" indeed.

in one way or another, im gonna have to endure another 2 more chapters till the end of the book. another 2 chapters of grueling, stomach-flipping, and tense reading.

mr brightside

my immune system's doesnt seem to be functioning. at all. the flu virus has hit me full blast, wit every single flu symptom acting on my defenseless 'immune system'. no matter how many pills i pop, it juz doesnt seem to go away. hmm. but it rly gets to me when i cant breathe at all, and when the flu mutes me. o well i guess i'll have to try surviving on hand signals for now.

hmm. our anonymous tagger on this blog has downgraded himself/herself to forging names to conceal its identity. all i can say is that u seem to have too much time on ur hands. so pls go and get a life. because this aint hurting anyone except urself.

these few days have been passed in a blur b4 my watery eyes. however, being down wit flu means more time spent at home, more time spent alone, and wit God, and more time to catch up wit work. it aint that bad afterall. plus, it totally eradicated my appetite for food. which works out juz fine for me.

constant prayers for many issues going on right now. had some time to talk wit daniel. and he's done a pretty gd job at sorting out my thoughts. making it clear to me. rly appreciative daniel. :) if u read this.

tmr will be another day of non-school for me. another day to fight that dreaded flu.

paint my love

hmm. some pple are so tragic that they have to resort to anonomity to state a point. or in this case, the lack of. im not the least bothered by such petty n childish behavior. but u mess wit my friends, u mess with me. leave my friends out of this. my friends have got far more guts and courage to stand up for me, and im grateful that i have such friends instead of you. im still smiling; still standing strong, and if u have a problem with that, you can come talk to me face-to-face about it when you're not too afraid to do so.

anyways~ im in far too good a mood to be affected by all these crap :) God is good. for the 3rd time in a row, our praise team has led worship even tho we didnt have time to practice for it. albeit not perfect, but in God's grace we brought the congregation thru a gd time of worship. amen.

in God's grace i was able to sustain half of the day, plagued wit the ever-attacking flu bug in me. i left halfway thru the sermon for home. but God is good. at least i was able to play for the worship band b4 going down. :)

moondance

i'll nv get tired of watching pirates of the carribean. it's gotta be the 10th time ive watched that. including the once i juz watched today. it was a coincidence i found it in kb's dvd collection. ive wanted to watch that show since last week.

short saturday today. not that im complaining. im more than happy to be under the bliss of airconditioning in the comfort of my home sweet home. especially since im feeling like pretty feverish n sick. no thnx to the flu bug.

tried out econs tuition under a HCJC tutor today. found her teaching rather detailed and elaborate. and now im considering having double econs tuition under HA and her. if i can actually sustain double econs tuition, i think i score a high chance at an A. that is, wit a big IF to double tuition.

had lunch wit charles at subway. then cabbed to school for chamber sectionals. one-on-one today wit mr tan. no surprise he rendered my playing 'not forceful'. hopefully it'll improve when i play without a fever. during violin tutoring my impression of mr tan as a short skinny dude diminished as well. apparently looking at him while playing in the orchestra n standing next to him can give totally different height perceptions.

by your side

starry starry night. tis a wonderful night for movie-under-the-stars. the weather's juz nice, the stars are juz where they're sposed to be, and the movie's great. :) loved it.

too bad we had chamber. or else we could have watched the entire movie. the incredibles. chamber ended at 9pm. wayne kenneth charles samuel joshua n i went to the basketball court for the moive. thank God for the technical difficulties they had at the start. which totally postponed the start of the movie. we didnt miss too much lol

i wonder how it's gonna be like having chamber every single day. taking up so much time. and yet i kno im gonna miss these practices (however much i dislike them now) after they're over. so instead of going absence makes the heart grow fonder later, im gonna treasure every single practice frm now on. :)

went to venezia wit charles for ice cream ytd. had a rather pleasant time talking, albeit the crowd present in the icecream parlor. the best thing of all: the icecream's fat-free :)

smile

The love i found in you

You are the air I need to breathe
the river of life inside of me
you are the half that made me whole
you are the anchor of my soul

and you are strong when I am weak
you are the words when I can't speak
you never fail to see me through
that's the love I found in you

you are my shelter from the storm
you are the road that leads me home
and baby with you here face to face
Oh I know I've found my place

and once in every life
you find the one that's right
and when you say forever it's true
That's the love I found in you

"My sun sets to rise again" - Robert Browning

quando

this week (or what has been this week) has been lived in a stark contrast to last week. ive found myself more focused, awake, and alive. generally, a happier me.

i got a letter frm yapxiong today. he wrote to me b4 his sentence into NS, where in his letter he addressed me as his big monster, which was what we coined in deviation frm the boring angel-mortal letter writing game during the first 3 months of my JC life. it was rly sweet :) it got me to reminisce bout my beautiful J1 year, which i've come to miss alot now as a busier-more-stressed-out-but-having-tons-of-fun J2. those were the days. and yet i look at the J1 batch now wit an air of irritation (no offense) as they crowd up the entire void deck and school in general, quickly zapping up oxygen and food queues.

then again.. i cant bear to imagine how it'll b like when we graduate and leave the securities of the basic education journey. where we'll enjoy the liberties of no school uniforms, and yet the instabilities and uncertainties ahead. i dont even wanna think about it.

had dinner and a nice long talk wit charles ytd after chamber. sushi for dinner is a rly gd idea. it's rly filling. 5 sushis is all it takes. lol. life singers on monday was utterly useless. i feel like juz quitting, but im not a quitter. and yet i feel like im juz wasting my time. till theres a project or concert or event for us to perform in.

tuition today was pretty gd. joshua joined us for tuition for the first time. the weather was juz nice for sleeping. like every other rainy day. boo :( aight back to work work work.

love never fails

short but interesting day. i woke up not wanting to go to church. but i knew i had to because i was playing the black thing with white keys called the keyboard for worship like i do every week since the start of this year. but turns out, church was more fruitful and inspiring for me this week than others.

the sermon was about conformity to the worlds' value and behavior. it got me pondering if i would have the courage as Jesus did - to be radical and step aside frm the world's evils and do what's right. and i still wonder.

had lunch, and then got swiveled into to the lan shop. one of the world's evils. the guys wanted to play, and were rly keen in pulling me to 'the dark side'. in other words - DOTA. aaron was a sweetie n explained what was going on. wat wit heroes, creeps, scourges, towers.. no surprise that i was in a total confused mode when i walked outta that place.

met grace n christian @ PS for a lil shopping. got caught in the rain, which merited a ride home :)

im angry. and yet soft. too soft. u're right. i need to toughen up. i get hurt too easily.

hands up

ive been bitten by the flu bug and the music bug, rendering me both sick and musically involved. the thing is, im thankful.

the flu bug gave me a legitimate reason to excuse myself frm a busy saturday. instantly, time was in my hands. and it never felt better. ive been chasing time this week, and now im finally ahead in the race.

i slowly climbed up the work ladder today, ticking off all those overdued work. given the amt of work and time i have, it aint much. but the load's definitely reduced. complex numbers, for one, doesnt seem that complex anymore once i sit down and read the notes.

watched ms congeniality 2 wit my fam. birthday movie for my dad's bday tmr. and the best gift that we gave him, (and he gave us), was time. the time to spend wit each other. if only it were his bday everyday. the show was not as intriguing and comical as the previous. but sequels will always be, merely sequels.

now about the music bug, which charged me with the resurrection of both my violin and piano practice habits (or lack of). i completed a 3rd of the chopin ballade that deborah kindly zapped for me after an hour's practice on the piano, and saw a girl with REALLY rosy cheeks when i stared at the mirror. somehow, practicing the piano has the effect of painting a natural blush on me. intriguing.

my dogs and i have lodged war against lil insects that seek solace in our house when rain pours and night falls. their persistency at irritating me amazes me, as much as their inability to escape frm my dogs' tongues even when equipped wit flyable wings.

my apologia

there's always a time needed to dish out apologies. tis the day. apologies to tons of things. to kenneth. n whoever concerned. apologies to God. for my inconsistencies as a Christian. apologies to myself, for letting myself down academically, emotionally and mentally.

this week was cursed with loads of work and emotional ups and downs. wit cca, church and other commitments the burdan was beyond my capacity. as i attempted to take things into my hands, i strayed further from God. but as it has been proven, my strength alone can accomplish nothing. i was defeated, bent, and broken. miraculously, God sent me a messenger. out of the blue, joshua chow reminded me to seek God and to pray for guidance. i havent been talking to joshua c since God knows when. and yet he felt suddenly compelled to prod me wit that gentle reminder. praise the Lord

as a result of the crushing burdan my moods have been erratically unstable. so here's another apology to those who've been affected by my grumpy moods.

i've also experienced God's sprinkled little blessings in this week. such as a short chamber prac on thurs. which allowed me some time to study for the math test (tho im still gonna flunk it anyways). and a trip to venezia today wit charles for yummy free ice-cream. ice-cream does wonders for bad moods.

nonetheless, the nagging pull at my conscience refuses to go away...