faith. inspite of feelings

well guess there's always ups and downs in life.
cant always expect things to go up, up, and up.
"to fall is not to fail
you fail when you don't try" right?

just a little hard to reconcile the fact that it was so close and yet so far.
thinking of the "what-ifs" or "if-i-didnt-do-that"s just makes things so much harder to digest
but i cant help but ponder about the whole process, bringing myself back to the scene where it mattered
a little bit more concentration, a little less carelessness, it prolly wld have made the cut
but i guess He has His reasons, and so when things go wrong, just try, try, again.

a devastatingly disappointing start to my day, but it ended on a pretty light note
meeting up with sarah and jeremy for baked-rice dinner at NYDC, and then with the addition of zhic @ venezia (:
guess it kept my mind off many things that were going thru my head
many things i have yet to complete, and many things i've failed to accomplish

its just one of those periods of time, when you wish you can just hold the time captive
rewind, reverse, relive everything again so that you will set things right
sighh. guess i need a few more days to turn this upside-down-u upright again..
but it'll come ((:

-

huishi: haha im super tired today. mentally exhausted :(

celine: haha ok i'll help you congratulate them! (:

lide: ok anything you say =p haha

my make-believe semester break

today's the start of school after my make-believe semester break.
it was all too good, but all too short
such that i didnt have enough time to bother about my poor neglected work which must be feeling rather dejected by now
which makes me feel rather dejected that my homework is feeling dejected
so i shall attempt to reassure it of my love this weekend, even tho i swore off homework on weekends
arghh~

monday was good bcuz.. mac passed driving!!! ((:
hiphip hurray. now i officially have a chauffeur. hahaha just kidding~
anyway, in all celebratory festivity we went back to his house.. to sleep.
yes, because both of us didnt sleep well the night before in dread and worry of the test
the sleep was sufficient in preparation for the night road trip that kept us wide awake till almost 4am
i think we covered more kilometers than a to-and-fro drive to changi from the opposite side of Singapore
from attempting to find our way to vivo city (keyword: attempt), to driving to town, to successfully finding our way to casuarina at bishan for prata supper with the 87er guys,(keyword: successful), to back to yishun where it was home sweet home for that night ((:
oh, and congrats to abel for passing on the same day too!! ((:
looking forward to more supper night-outs now hahaha~

tuesday was good too bcuz.. it was a public holiday!! ((:
a nice day to just laze in bed, with nothing on the agenda
which is exactly what we did when we woke up in the morning afternoon.
it was especially nice when it started to rain, and made it condusive for the whole "snuggle-in-bed-with-a-book"
then i had dinner with the whole extended family at a seafood restaurant as a farewell dinner for my dad
(who was leaving returning to China)

so that pretty much sums up the last 2 days of my beautiful holiday which has juz passed away :(
i guess school cant be that great when you're only looking forward to lunch and end sch
but i guess it'll do for now. the next public holiday is.. CHRISTMAS! and the real semester break in a mnths time!
i'm setting my countdown timer right about... NOW.

-

lide: you were screaming! haha. or at least, talking at above average level (which is pretty normal for you muahaha)

elaine: hahaha ok i shall take a pin and burst her bubble head hahaha. just kidding! huishi we still love you ((:

celine: ohh mann! no strawberry shortcake?! that sucks man. but hey at least you have krispy kremes. lets trade hahaha. i'll do anything for krispy kremes now.

rachel: hey!! hahaha how's AC and A levels? lol yeahh i get bored of my layout really quickly so every layout has a lifespan of less than a year hahaha

may angels lead you in

during bible study on saturday, we were asked this question
"if you had one day left to live, what would you do with that day?"
and although my answer was far from model and nobel, i realized that what i really wanted was to travel
beyond the exposure to culture, history, and experience, what i craved for was the mental abyss and freedom from everyday clutches
in a way, to get far far away from reality and life's harshes, and truly breathe
its really a type of claustrophobia, living in today's world.
it feels like we're living in this airtight tube, where if you're left out, you're left behind
thats prolly one of the reasons i go completely MIA on weekends
because i'm enjoying an abyss of my own (:

heres a picture dedicated to PHUA HUI SHI
our one and only strawberry shortcake. ok of course you're worth more than $2.90
i'll times 10 and price you at $29! hehehe (:


on friday it was self-declared family day, and i finally treated my whole fam to thai xpress @ esplanade (:
(which prolly explains why i'm pretty broke now, but heck it was worth it)
so it was a family night out at esplanade, timed perfectly with dance fest 06 at the outdoor theater.

ok apparently my appetite for dance fest wasnt satiated because i was back at esplanade again on saturday
a little night out with the guys, for pubbing, food, talking, and more food ((:
so we happened to catch "bollywood nights" at esplanade, which was actually more banghra than anything
kinda made me miss AC alot (esp with the ac pro banghra guy performing on stage)
and we even learnt a few steps ourselves hehehe~
anyway the whole night was great. complete with repeated chantings of "take-anything-you-want" or "i-was-robbed-by-two-men"
yeah, we even saw tay lide dancing across the road with his arms high in the air screaming "spare-me-my-life"

this is today. a bit of harmless reminiscent fun after all that.

i cant believe we actually did DDR in a public arcade. (again)
i swear, i'm never doing it again.

ok thats 5 days of activities condensed into a few words.
we have 2 more days of self-declared holiday.
2 more days till my self-constructed abyss bubble is popped :(
but it shall be a good 2 days ((:
cant wait!! hahhaa

-

matt: haha yesH thats high sch musical! i juz watched it on disney channel the other day hahaha the songs are nice (: lol and congrats on passing your test! (forgot if i wished u). rmb to drive me around! muahaha jk

celine: haha pictures!!! missing you gurl :(

denis: haha i dont mind borrowing ur dvd! lol cuz i didnt watch the front part of the show. and its quite nice anyway!! your brother's got GOOD taste =p

yapxiong: hey!!! long time no see (: how're you now? still in police? (if you're gonna read this)

sharon: hahaha that was the first time i watched it!! lol despite the 20billion adverts tt i watched haha and its nice!! the kids can really sing hahaha

weiqian: hey gurl!! study hard yeah ((: praying for you. need help in anything just give me a call (:

huishi: hellohello! i updated!! (: hahaha having a word drought now suckss cant even give my own opinion for the items just now haha man.

you're what i've been looking for

It's hard to believe
That I couldn't see
You were always there beside me
Thought I was alone
With no one to hold
But you were always right beside me
This feelings like no other
I want you to know
I've never had someone that knows me like you do
the way you do
I've never had somone as good for me as you
no one like you
so lonely before i finally found
what i've been looking for

to live

there're some days that will just be bad days
theres that feeling you have when you wake up first thing in the morning
and by woman's (or man's) intuition you just KNOW that the day has been labeled "nasty"
you start to realize that your unfortunately accurate intuition enacts itself as you drag your unwilling ass from class to class
wishing that each was the last, longing for time to speed up for once as you battle with the eyelids

and then God opens your eyes to see His blessings, even in such a horrid day
He made you realize that He put you there, in that place and in that time, for His own purpose
to understand more about yourself, and also about the others
to learn to put your own needs aside so as to serve others
thats what living for God means. to trust that in His time, He makes all things beautiful (:

to top things off with a little bit of whipped cream and cherry,
i got a ride home from mr nice guy reuben although it was out of his way, just when i received news that the haze worsened ((:
just another one of my angels in disguise, popping up to reveal itself when i most need them ((:

so i guess life's not bad at all when you're living for God (:

party in da house

actually just church haha. we had a lil party for all the O's and A level kids today ((:
and i had a surprisingly great time!! hahaha i laughed so much i think i went high
from the games to the worship to the prayer session to the 8 free pizzas ordered
it was a nice afternoon of fellowship, having fun, and just placing the kids in God's hands

and hey, we even had party hats and inflatable squeaky hammers haha


i brought the blue hammer with nemo home (: and my dogs went crazy.

weekends just past way too quickly. odd week's here again sighh :(
guess we just gotta find the fun in trying to finish loads of work again haha.
speaking of which, i have TONS to catch up on >.<

a walk down memory lane

a revisit back to ACJC was truly revisited memories that have been cordoned off for a while now
i finally showed mac our random (ugly) AHred pics for smile AC! (:
it feels all too familiar yet unfamiliar when we walked through our lives from the past 2 years
sentimentality is almost inevitable. it was a great 2 years that i'll treasure forever (:

and then it was ben&jerry's at cathay before "you, me and dupree" (: the live band was not bad for ben&jerry's hahaha


a moment of narcissism. in our quest to find a perfect pic for a new wallpaper for our cellphones.


funny thing is, we didnt use any of the above hahaha

"Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose"

"A moment lasts all of a second, but the memory lives on forever"

voice of truth

sometimes i feel like just giving up and running away.
to detach myself from this entangled mess and hopelessly desolate decay
to taste the sweetness of fresh water in drought, or to experience freedom in claustrophobia
its hard to get away. too hard. i thought i could cut myself loose. but its not possible.
not just because my hands and legs are bounded by this thick rope of responsibility.
but because my heart has been tied down by the history, by family, and by love

through grace and mercy i realized i was not alone. we were not alone.
you know why? because He is holding all these up. it is His ministry after all.
what can tear us down when God is amongst us, supporting each and everyone of us.
through love we perservere in proclaiming His glory and fulfilling our purpose in church.
in faith, we will continue. till we fill our cups with renewed commitments and passion to serve.

"so i will run to the alter
and catch the fire
to stand in the gap between the living and the dead"

-

on a much lighter note, the girls came over for badminton+movie (cinderella story for the 7th time!) today again ((:
which means more photowhoring in the ktv room.
and then our chair modeling session. photos up later when im not feeling lazy ((:

yes, i think we lost weight. not from the badminton itself. but frm the laughing haha.
i swear i could feel my abs right after badminton.
but that shortlived discovery was soon diminished after the canadian pizza order came in.
i guess thats what you call "taking one step forward and two steps back"
and the fact that i'm eating oreo cookies right now that has somethingsomething (read: an adjective for fats that cannot be burnt off) fats according to cherie doesnt help too.

"Your love is extravagant and sufficient"

blessed

"Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart" Kay Knudsen

feeling blessed, loved, cherished. all rolled up into one cherry cake (:

aarggghhh

i cant believe i just spent my econs-test-study-time watching a cartoon.
yes, a cartoon. which name i cant even remember.
something about a lost world called atlantis.
omg. let's just pray that i still pass my econs tmr.
not to mention, my southeast asian pop quiz, and german.
good luck to mee~

my antidote

heres presenting the mother of all antidotes - icecream!! ((:
nothing needs to be say about such a best creation since the creation of Man
especially icecream from daily scoop ((:

that, ladies and gentlemen, was yesterday.
today presented another opportunity to grow fat in the form of ben&jerry's hahaha
in any case, here's HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ELAINE TAN!!! ((:
yayy you're finally as old as meee! hahaha.

i realized the more i drive, the lousier i get >.<
i could NOT do vertical parking today at all. whywhywhy???
guess its not that easy afterall.. sigh.

happy children's day! (:

haha happy children's day to all children out there!! (:
because we're all children of God!
and to glorify such a wonderful beautiful day, we had children's day sports day @ breakthrough missions :D


mac and i were the official scorekeepers. or also the overall judge wahaha.
okay.. so there were some screwups towards the end.
but there was something about the whole event that made me feel a sense of peace
maybe it was the innocence and smiles of the children who played
or maybe it was just the wide grassland and beautiful sky that made it all perfect
whatever it was, i'm glad i decided to help out today ((:


everybody's a winner ((:


check out this cutteeee BABY!! she had such beautiful eyes i couldnt resist but sneak a shot =p



some pics while waiting for the kids to play the games ((:


and i absolutely love this shot. hahaha.
that's mac's lips btw (wahaha~), and my reflection in eugene's shiny medal ((:
3 people in one picture, each from different angles. nice :D

school's starting tmr. -wails-

there're times when you look into someone's eyes
you get this feelin that the person is the one u love the most
that is love ((: