the end of the beginning

some people said that, to hate someone, you have to love that person alot to hate him/her.
i disagree.
to hate someone, all you need, is feelings.
feelings for yourself, feelings for that person, and feelings that make you human.
the word "love" is thrown around loosely, just like the word "hate" is used frequently for ugly situations
that the actual feelings themselves seem to be a mere superficial umbrella term for any extreme feelings that we feel.
but what actually constitutes love and hate? is it something like, black and white?
or like, Jesus and Satan? or like, North and South? or are they a conscious choice that we make?
i have no answers to that. for i am, merely like what they say, seeking.

but what i am feeling, is more suitably described as an intertwined and jumbled up combination of the two.
not exactly a love-hate relationship, but somewhere in between. like the so-called gray areas
i dont hatehate, but i dont lovelove. so what does that constitute?

sometimes i just wish there were no feelings. no capacity to feel the love, such that we wouldnt feel the hate
feelings are too complicated - they complicate things and emotions and actions and everything.
when they're pleasant, they build, create, and encourage.
when they're UNpleasant, they do a hell lot worse in damage count.

i just want to get away from all of this
i just need.. perhaps, some peace.

phewww

im soo glad my business presentation is..OVER.
ok, not completely over since we only just did the idea presentation
there's still the pilot test, the final presentation, and LOTS more to do.
but if you knew all the problems and obstacles our grp faced (both externally and internally), you would join me in congratuatling us for pulling this off in a matter of just 3days.

AND. it looks pretty gd, if i may say so myself.
though it lies amidst flowery language and glamorous pictures. but still.

anyways. today marks a special day. because.. its the birthday of 3 boys! so..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ABEL, ENPING & JEREMY!!! ((:

two 20yearolds, and one.. uh 24?
hahaha~

anyway to end off this completely random post (which is a mere attempt at procrastinating due econs study)
heres a shot of us at xueting's house ((:
after like, 60billion rounds of POLAR BEAR and lots of pineappple tarts heee~

introducing...

guess whose backside this is!


yes, her name is ginger.


introducing the new.. doggy pampers. for all you bitches out there (:
it looks pretty, feels pretty (i think), and even has a hole for your tail to wag!


purchase it online at www.you-cant-buy-that!-.com
green dinosaur and hole-in-the-pants sold separately.
on a side note: dog not for sale in case you were wondering.

wake me up when my summer break starts

its been basically a race against time for the past week that the school called semester break

wasnt that much of a break to me, considering i was constantly in a rush to beat time's marathon

sad to say, the championship title went to time.

thursday

as typical (and boring) as holidays can be, i studied.

mac came over to participate in our self-proclaimed study day in my condo's study room

although we didnt end up studying very much in the end, we did fulfil our pastamania cravings and watched a hell lot of DVDs and movies after we decided to camp at my place
attempt to study #1 - FAILED.

friday
project meetings and even more project meetings at PS took up like, my entire day.
met mac for a bit, but other than a little bit of shopping + arcade-ing done that day, nothing else was really accomplished fully.
attempt to study #2 - FAILED.

saturday
went to a few more houses for visitation, driving around in HORRIBLE traffic conditions.
i swear, driving was never more stressful.
drove all the way to serangoon gardens to meet qingliang and the gang for dinner @ cafecartel! ((:
and then went to abel's house to chill for a while..


everytime we have these gatherings in the north (or is it south?)
we should have one IN THE WEST! to facilitate westies like me.
hehehe~

sunday
church!! and visitations to enping and xueting's houses. mac drove!
haha ok not his car. uncle mingshu's car cuz all of us cldnt fit into the church van.
at first i was having a heart attack. my boyfriend was driving someone else's car!
but after a while it was ok his driving's not that bad hahaha.

yup thats a wrap. time's been a real bitch to me. sneaking up on me and stealing my free seconds that i reserved to go out with my friends who've already booked those times.
sorry to all whom i couldnt meet up with or hangout, or for the events i've missed.
ive been really darn busyy and i cant wait for this two weeks to be done and over with

1st anniversary

happy birthday to us ((: its been one year.. times really flies when you're enjoying yourself.
so to celebrate the joyous occassion, we went for sky dining!
at first i was worried that it would be hot since there wasnt any aircon in the cable car, but when we got up in the air, it was soo windy and cooling that it was perfect.
the view was awesome, the food was pretty ok, and the company was great (:
some pictures that we took during the dining experience..















i had a really nice time ((:
lets go back there some day..

busy

now that im more in the mood to blog a proper entry, heres one bout my cny.

saturday
last minute spring cleaning and emergency shopping.
lide came to pick me up and we went for brunch at toapayoh ((:
ok we were there bcuz i wanted to collect my charm necklace tt i bought online.
then we went to the national library, and then parked at prinsep st while waiting for lide to get his drum pads from SMU.
it was a loong wait, so i called mac, and started scream-singing all the songs on lide's CD to him, especially the songs that irritated him (eg: paris hilton songs)
then my mom ordered emergency ying-liu plants for our reunion, so we drove to sunset way to get em.
reunion dinner.. was uneventful.

sunday
we went to church for morning service (: which explains my loot of pictures.
come to think of it, every single new year, i get tons of pictures (:
its also the day where we'll play hours and hours of mahjong at my grandma's place without feeling tired.

monday
dinner with the kohs at bali thai!
almost every single dish was SPAISY it was pretty intense. hawt ;)
some cute dishes from dinner..

and a lil girls' photowhoring in the toilet.

then my sister and i went down to cineleisure for a lil night movie with mac ((:
we watched ghost rider, whose plot was rather.. complicating.
to my dismay, it contained quite alot of "horror" elements, contrary to what i thought
but i guess it was quite an ok show for its effects and thrills.

im getting pretty worried. since nus cheated us of our bloody holidays.
which means, im really really short of study time.
ive got a long list of to-do items, and the rate im going, i aint gna finish em.
and yet my social calender chooses to be rather active during this crucial week before my term exams.

what great timing

you ruined it..

This is what you are supposed to cut and paste if you decide to participate in the tagging game. Each player of this game starts off by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog.


1) I love to sing and dance in the shower, and i hope one day i'll be scouted by some BIG somebody who will make me a star. Either that, or i'll slip on the soap and die.
2) I hate putting on clothes directly after a shower. I'll walk out of the bathroom with multiple towels, sit around in my room doing random stuff before i will finally dress up.
3) I love the sound of horse galloping and computer-typing in movies, and also the sound of shaking liquid correction pen. i always make an effort to shake mine more before i use it.
4) I love to trace the rungs of my knuckles with my fingers.
5) Im always very tickled when people say "penguin" or "chicken" or "monkey". Dont ask me why
6) I am a strong advocate of retail therapy because whenever i feel down, buying shoes or clothes or makeup will make me instantly happier!

anyways. here're some pictures for youu.

chinese new year's the bitch.

dont you think our dresses look similar?

wait till you see this reversi effect!

lol my bestfriend's mama who's ohsocool haha ernest you writing this down?

cousins..

and the nestz0r and hamz0r..

and everybody (: (except ernest grr where did you go?!)

the end. stay tuned for more drama on blogcentaL..

reunion dinner!!

a nice reunion. and LOTS of food.


red. RED. RED?? on my 2nd baby.. haha. i couldnt find a doggie cheongsam so this wil have to do




the tays and the engs ((:

ramblings

hold me in your arms
never let me go ((:

today was time to.. shopshopshop!
i can oblige to that. haha. gladly.
i read a friend's blog today, about how her boyfriend plans a surprise birthday party for her every single year for 5 years
and then i was wondering, how is a surprise party a surprise when you already know its coming?
when you dont know what is going to come your way, but you already somewhat know?
is it possible to anticipate the unanticipated? or is it unanticipate the anticipated?

ok i shall shut up now
and leave you with this beautiful picture (:

all's well that ends well

if there was no words
no way to speak
i would still hear you
if there were no tears
no way to feel inside
i'd still feel for you..



a bouquet of flowers, my valentine, and a picture of my lychee martini in the background
DHL plans failed, but intercontinental hotel quickly became the contingency


all's well that ends well.
that's all that matters.

and even if the sun refuse to shine
and even if romance ran outta rhyme
you would still have my heart
until the end of time
you're all i need, my love, my valentine

only youuu (:

putting the "r" back in... RJC hahaha.

lide i think eugene looks alot like you in this photo.
MUAHAHA

say goodbye to german, and its respective tests and assignments tmr.
ive put all my pens back into my pencil case, and prepared some tissues in my bag
just in case.
and i actually visited central library on my cherished beloved saturday.


maybe its a bit too many balls to juggle at one go.

im only as strong as my weakest ball..

surrender

There's no greater love

there's no greater joy

all that i'd ever need

i know i've found in You

there's no greater hope

there's no greater life

all that i've ever need

i know i've found in You

Jesus, i come, give You my all

Jesus i come, answer Your call

lay down my life Lord

I'm surrending to You..

i had my own mini praise&worship session. just me, the piano, and God (:

it was pretty amazing. the songs just came into my head one after the other, and everything flowed out.

and i was thinking, this is what praise&worship should be like.

so many times we've been tied down and bounded by technicalities. what key to play for the song, when to come in, who's supposed to play which part, when're we supposed to bring the congregation to a high in the song, when to insert a prayer; focusing on our instruments rather than on God, cringing at mistakes and then moving on - too absorbed in the technicalities of leading worship that we forget the whole purpose of actually doing so, and we do not hear the message that is given to us.

we forget. we lose focus. we're only human.

(and of course, it's been too damn long if i may say so myself)

its really refreshing, these mini praise&worship sessions

i think i received alot more than i have for the past year, and for some reason im more capable of expressing myself to God when im alone, as compared to when im playing in front of a whole congregation

it's good. it keeps me wanting more (:

draw me close to You

never let me go

if i could just..

a nice night drive to yacht club + west pier = a nice talk in the car + beautiful night scenery @ pier
hence, by mathematical induction, joy is a happy girl tonight ((:
thanks bro for picking me up.

the view from the pier..

anyway, lectures are getting rather boring after a few weeks...
and so, the only cure is - vandalizing lecture tables.

if i could just hold you....tonight

national library

readings on a sunday afternoon after church.
its actually a rly nice place - bugis national library.
except we couldnt really get the perfekt spot in the study lounge
which had this wonderful view next to the huge glass window

BUT. we ended up pretty satisfied with our powerpoint and free internet in the reference section
though that meant i couldnt bring my textbook in there to read
(what kinda dumb rule is that?)

no tutorials for BOTH econs module this week. i can deal with that ((:

my pressure cooker

i think i must be feeling pretty stressed.
cuz i just found not one but TWO pimples on my face

and i havent had pimples since like, half a year ago.

guess the pressure from inside and outside finally boiled some zits

GAH

I HATE GERMAN!!!!!

why is it that everyone seems to understand everything and i dont?!
in class, the german teacher rattles on about XYZ, and while im still trying to pick out words that i understand so as to formulate a rough idea of what shes asking us to do, those smart alecks sitting behind me will be shouting out CORRECT answers to her questions (ohyes, they were questions i thought they were instructions)


you know, if you ask me to read out a german essay to you, i can prolly do it just fine
maybe even with a slight tinge of the right german accent if im in a good mood

but everything turns into greek (or german) when you put everything into spoken words

you know the kind of frustration when you do a piece of assigned homework, and you end up with blanks, blanks and more blanks because you just cant do it?!
yes, thats what just happened to my german homework.
and then you just start feeling like.. ants on a frying pan.

it totally does not help that theres a vocab test in less than 8 days

ok i prolly dont hate german. its a beautiful language.

i prolly hate myself. for not being able to pick up such a beautiful language as fast as those smart alecks
and it bothers me because every damned thing we do is based on a bell curve

so that means, with those smart alecks.. im prolly not even on the bell.

one last thing: babel sucks.

i just needed a rant.