the end of the beginning

some people said that, to hate someone, you have to love that person alot to hate him/her.
i disagree.
to hate someone, all you need, is feelings.
feelings for yourself, feelings for that person, and feelings that make you human.
the word "love" is thrown around loosely, just like the word "hate" is used frequently for ugly situations
that the actual feelings themselves seem to be a mere superficial umbrella term for any extreme feelings that we feel.
but what actually constitutes love and hate? is it something like, black and white?
or like, Jesus and Satan? or like, North and South? or are they a conscious choice that we make?
i have no answers to that. for i am, merely like what they say, seeking.

but what i am feeling, is more suitably described as an intertwined and jumbled up combination of the two.
not exactly a love-hate relationship, but somewhere in between. like the so-called gray areas
i dont hatehate, but i dont lovelove. so what does that constitute?

sometimes i just wish there were no feelings. no capacity to feel the love, such that we wouldnt feel the hate
feelings are too complicated - they complicate things and emotions and actions and everything.
when they're pleasant, they build, create, and encourage.
when they're UNpleasant, they do a hell lot worse in damage count.

i just want to get away from all of this
i just need.. perhaps, some peace.