cry holy

"In my loneliness, You were there. To reveal Your righteousness in my despair"

the end of terms was marked by a heavy downpour, ending the oven-days we've been leading. hopefully. as i expected, i walked into the exam hall full of complacence, and walked out pissed n full of regret. i doubt i can pass the paper, much less ace it. ah well i look forward wit much dread to the ssp days.

this is becoming a nightmare. i keep retreating, and yet i juz find myself being pushed further n further into a corner where im trapped. in more ways than one. i need more time. u cant expect everything to go ur way. n u cant expect me to deal wit everything the way u deal wit it. i dont wanna talk about it. n yet, i want to. to get it done n over wit. OVER. i dont wanna hurt u. but everything u're doing juz makes me wanna draw a thick red line in the middle. slice ur heart up. i need space to breathe. n yet, u're suffocating me. juz leave me alone. please

...

no one prolly knows wad im rambling about. it's prolly better that way. everything's much too publicized. big stories to talk about. talk bout voyeurism. sigh. but sometimes i juz need pple to hear me out. cuz im juz so trapped. so perturbed. wat i want to do, n wat i should do.. idk anything anymore.

i sound highly confused. cuz maybe i juz am.

lunch @ swenson's was pretty gd. u hardly see so many ACJC pple in one place eating together ever. the SA1 peeps, councillors, n kb n i. in celebration of wayne's birthday. AHred miraculously vaporized after the math paper. so much for class unity.

shopping commenced thereafter. wit sarah n grace :) we went to lot1 mall n got wayne's wallet. girl bonding's so much more fun than hanging wit guys sometimes. most of the time. tho i was seriously drained. sigh.

the sky cried on me as i made my way home. juz on time for dinner. we're leaving for holland v in a few min. n my mom happily announced tt we're dining at swenson's tonight. hey sarah guess wad i'll beat ur swenson's frequency record. swenson's, at holland v, TWICE in a day. wow whee.