ich liebe dich

instead of studying music therapy, i think i might venture into the art of retail therapy lol. i swear, it works magic. maybe the study of how it works will allow legitimate shopping in the future : )

So lift up your heart to the heavens;
Theres a loving and kind Father there
Who offers release - comfort and peace -
In the silent communion of prayer

amidst all, i felt a sense of emptiness in me today. like a void created deep in my heart. was it loneliness? i dont think so. even when i was with friends that feeling plagued me. it wasnt because they were bad company. but more because i had a myriad of unanswered questions swimming in my head. sometimes i wonder what i live for each day. what my purpose is in each day. whether i was happy because of the unnamed obligation that comes with my name to appear JOYful and cheered.

i realized i have changed from the person i was last year. things were so much simpler and clearcut last year. there was a freedom last year that juxtaposes against the claustrophobia that i have experienced this year. i cant determine whether the change was for the better or for the worse just yet. in a sense ive become more vocal about my thoughts while i use to take whatever that came last time. but that also means that i have a lower tolerance level for issues that i use to be able to take.

When i'm far away, You were there
To draw me back again, into Your care

i closed my journal of 7 years ytd with a final entry on its last pages. the flowery book that has brought me through my turmoiled thoughts and esctatic delights since i was 12 has finally been filled cover-to-cover with my memories that i would never exchange for anything in the world. i was hoping it would last me through A levels, which would then have been filled with my 3 major exams - PSLE, O'levels and A levels. but doesnt seem like it :p i shld go journal shopping now.

So here i am, all by myself
Thinking of you, nobody else
Theres a feeling inside, and as hard as i try
It just wont go away

in my desolation, God's words are so soothing. Scott Krippayne once sang:

In my deepest night He is the guiding star;
In my sinfulness He is the forgiving heart;
A willing ear for each silent prayer,
A shoulder for budens i cannot bear -
Sweet company from now through all eternity"

and i say, amen : )

of course, theres always the ridiculously hilarious behavior of my dogs that never fail to make me laugh no matter what the circumstances were.



cant imagine how she managed to arrange herself in such a small BATA shoe box. the amazing works of the animals' minds.

it's pouring outside now, and the cool wind's blowing. the perfect weather to tuck myself into the warmth of my bed, and catch the early flight to lalaland.

out and over.