fortitudine vincimus

it means by endurance we conquer.

and we will (:

"if there ever comes a day
when we cant be together
keep me in your heart
i'll stay there forever" - Winnie the Pooh

what sweet words from the friendly neighborhood teddybear (:

thank you Daddy for a gd day today (: the sugar frm the countless milo drinks & lollipops kept me awake for the late night studying wit seok at the void deck. i survived. we survived (: with joseph naia's lit help and victor's hilarious quirks and dinner frm parents and the cooling night air. i left school rly tired, but smiling (:

"It is better to have loved and lost
than to never have loved at all" - Alfred Lord Tennyson

aight seeing eyelids. call of the comfy cozy bed (:

wake me up when nov ends

yet another trying day. waves that keep crashing, storms that keep coming. every time i pick myself up and hold myself together, another wave of problems come in and i fall apart. break, build, break, build. hopefully, this will be the last time i'm broken.

and i will be strong
even when it all goes wrong..

what happened to my lucky stars.. ): all placed back into the skies.

For when I am weak, then am I strong. – 2 Cor 12:10

thnx seok for being there for me when it became too much to take (: i felt alot better after.

and thnx josh for the folded paper pig haha. (: it made my day.


all hands on deck
my ship is sinking
dont let me go, dont let me drown..

counting the stars

i survived today! (: and arrived home safely in one piece without falling asleep on some random guy's shoulders again thnx to a phonecall haha. my primary agenda for today will be to sleep. (:

Please tell me your for real
Because I don't want to bleed no more

laughter is the best medicine (: and i had lotsa medicine today. sleep-deficient drowiness prolly made everything funnier hehe. and it also caused me to stumble on lots of words, phrases, numbers... and bags, legs, and pranks. OOPS. of course the rest of the time i was pretty much lost in a world of my own, dreaming about my comfy bed at home. s.t.o.n.e.

we helped cherie with art after sch (: with our amateur hands we managed to cut glass, glue glass, break glass, and break more glass. but it was rly enjoyable hehe. 4 pair of hands are better than 1 anyways! laughed all our probs away, and juz worked on the task at hand! yay muggers (:

Another day goes by
will never know just wonder why

my attempt at "beefing up" my lit essays didnt exactly work for today's timed writing ex. how on earth our senior class came out with 6 pages in 1 hour.. remains a mystery! hmph. one day i shall do that.

Always have to move on,
To leave it all behind
Go along with time

sleepy!

coincidentally, a lotta pple were tossing and turning in bed till late ytd night. sleeplessness strikes back! and unfortunately i was one of them ):

mac and i took turns sleeping during math tuition lol. so the overall class wasnt disrupted haha. but this is so not gd. nopenopenope.

day 1 of self-groundedness with sleep-inducing atmo notes as companions. rly boring. i dont feel a sense of urgency now tho i kno i shld. o well in due time.

f I kissed you
Would you lose track of time
Would you feel a surge of happiness
Running up your spine
Would you run naked in the street
with a tattoo of my name on your behind
If I kissed you.

random thots..

"I can do all through Christ who strengthens me" - Phil 4:13

jasper's memorial service today. rly moving, for God spoke to us through the songs we sang; rly meaningful, for his parents and friends attended the service even tho some of them were buddhists. indeed, we can find reason to give thanks for in every situation and circumstance. because God is good. truly, with Christ in the vessel we can smile at a storm (:

when the oceans rise and thunders roar
i will soar with You above the storm
Father You are King over the floods
I will be still
and know You are God

only He can heal the broken hearts and broken lives. as i looked back today i saw one set of footprints. and then i know that He has been carrying me through all this while. (:

You are my strength when i am weak
You are the treasure that i seek
You are my all in all

and i say, amen.

songbird

i love scents (: lovelovelove. in the bus today i caught a whiff of a rly nice scent which i liked on a guy seated next to me. it was a rly familiar scent, but i juz cldnt place it. grr. im gonna buy my future husband lots and lots of scents so that he can wear a different one everyday! haha (:

to end off a pretty morbid week, was jasper's burial. the sendoff. it was pretty much an eyeopener, for i was very much out-of-touch with buddhist rituals and chinese funeral customs, so it was all new to me. we threw in little folded straw hearts before they completed the burial, and i thot that was rly meaningful. to show our love for our dear brother will never die (: rest well brother.

before that we stopped by holland v for subway and a quick visit to the petshop. there're new puppies in it!! and they're frickin adorable. i swore i wld have done anything to cuddle them. haha im gonna make my future husband buy lots and lots of puppies for me. and im gonna love em all! hehe (:

feeling cheerier and more lighthearted today. thank you god for letting me know that im not alone in this. thank you god for the friends and family who rly care (:

now. im gonna start grounding myself. yet another day with zero work done. wait, make that a week. gotta start working. workworkwork. im gonna have no life frm now on. haha. another 9 more weeks till its all over! (:

i will run to You

Jesus shall take the highest honor
Jesus shall take the highest praise
Let all earth join heaven in exalting
The name which is above all other names
Let's bow the knee in humble adoration
For at His Name every knee shall bow
Let every tongue confess He is Christ God's only Son
Sovereign Lord we give You glory now

For all honor and blessing and power
Belongs to You, belongs to You
For all honor and blessing and power
Belongs to You, belongs to You
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God

God is truly amazing. "In my distress, I called upon the Lord, and cried out to my God. He heard my voice from His temple, and my cry came before Him even to His ears".

i wish you were here with me
to hold me, to comfort me
when the tears rolled down my cheeks..

"if we hold on together, our dreams will never die.."

God's love is abundant and sufficient. and we will pull through knowing that since He brought us to it, He'll bring us through it. (:

lets pat dry those tears, no more sniffles, mouth the words 'i will be strong'. theres always a bright side to things, always something to give thanks for, always something else to hold on to.

my heart-pillow's soon becoming my best buddy at home. always there ready to give me a BIG HUG, and always there to absorb my tears haha. alrite no more tears. joy will be strong. and cheered. and happy.

soon enough.

think of me

Think of me
think of me fondly,
when we've said goodbye.
Remember me once in a while
please promise me you'll try

easy how songs stick to my head and wont go away. easy how they conjur memories so vivid it feels like im flipping through a slideshow of thoughts. and funny how the song got stuck in my head in the first place. when joshua started whistling it and i was thinking of that exact song and we both exclaimed "oh no!" considering the title of the song haha. powers of music telepathy.

Think of all the things
we've shared and seen
don't think about the things
which might have been

a beautiful song about thinking, missing, and feeling. yet, exactly the thing which im trying not to partake in right now. for im lost in a myriad of confused thoughts. seeking answers that i have yet to find. still wish i cld talk to somebody about it. someone who wld understand exactly how it feels, someone who wld help me search for answers. wonders of the not-so-beautiful mind.

Daddy, please save me. im drowning fast : (

maybe im pmsing. i wish that that were it. i was doodling mindlessly as i always do in classes, when i realized i was scribbling "joy is sad" on the LT and NL tables. how ironic. sigh.

Think of me, think of me waking, silent and resigned

the morning migraine forced me to go to school late today. again. and on my way to sch i saw a charles look-alike who bore such striking resemblances he was fit to be his clone. except he was a punk version, donning black leather jacket, boots and standing next to a rly cool bike. F-U-N-K-Y! read somewhere last time that there was a duplicate of every person somewhere in this earth. haha i wanna find MY clone!

ah. thank God its friday. looking forward to a day of r&r wit the 87'ers tmr : ) i rly need this.




Imagine me, trying too hard to put you from my mind...

tears and rain

yes, i am the ostrich. so many times i have dug a hole, and buried my head into the ground. place myself far far away frm fear, by pretending it does not exist. the fear of getting hurt, the fear of knowing, the fear of simply, the truth. i squeeze my eyes shut, holding on to hope that things will change, times will pass, hurt will diminish. but sometimes, it just doesnt work that way.

because it cant.

If it's over, let it go and
Come tomorrow it will seem
So yesterday, so yesterday

again and again, reality presents itself at my doorstep, screaming at me to face it, fight it out man-to-man, woman-to-woman. i can run, but i cant hide forever.

so sudden. so unexpected. now you see, now you dont. everything in His time. we all prayed so hard. but once He's made up His mind, nothing's gonna change it.

we'll all remember you Jasper. thank you for being a blessing in our lives.

strength to carry on

hello stranger...
i cup my head in my hands, eyes closed. my favorite position these days. how nice to shut out the world. just for a minute. get away from the noise, the crowd, the stress, and the countless worries. how i wish..

feeling rather down today. so much to do, so little time. inevitably, i start to doubt my capabilities. i feel so drained, and this is merely the tip of the iceburg. theres a mixture of emotions felt, all whirled up inside me. i know its because of the physical fatigue and mental exhaustion that these things bother me, but it seems just a little harder today to grip onto the positive and hold on for dear life. the cramps that acted up mischeviously throughout the day did not help at all either.

keep smiling, keep shining
knowing you can always count on me
for sure

the temptation of becoming a 3-subber turns into a highly alluring prospect as the As draw nearer. maybe then i'll get a taste of how it feels like to be swimming comfortably hanging onto a raft. instead of dangerously drowning. so tempting. seems like eons ago when i was managing 9 subs including music. how i did it then, it still puzzles me.

sigh. 9 more weeks to 'hang in there'. thnx for making me smile and trying your best to help : ) i rly needed the encouragement.

From the depths of my heart to the heaven above
There I feel Your embrace and the warmth of Your love
I'm not afraid 'cause Jesus I know You are here



gdbye stranger..