u're out

it's pretty interesting how when i signed in wit the MSN nick "i dont wanna talk", i got about messenger alerts instantly from 6 people asking me why is it that i dont wanna talk. lol. the wonders of the human mind.

today's a day full of ups n downs. the extremities of these ups and downs nv cease to amaze me. you give me frostbite in my heart....

went to swensons after sch. kenneth brought the secrecy notch down a level by letting more people in :P ah well not that i care anyways. went home wit joshua, and he missed 3 buses waiting for my bus to come. im SO sorry i feel so bad. :P

dota should be permanently destroyed, and made available only to those willing to pay $100 an hour to play.

soldier

i thought today's chapel service was quite gd. i was quite disgusted with e___n when he teased me bout how i worshipped. i dont rly care bout what pple think when i focus on God, but as for him, a christian who grew up in Methodist institutions, i thot a lil more respect for God would have done him some gd.

school was horrible. class after class. the pink slip was severely tempting but God gave me strength to continue. wit God's blessings again, double GP period was postponed, giving me time to snooze, play squash wit the guys and refresh myself b4 the long chamber rehearsal.

had a few rather interesting (or worrying) talks today wit various pple today. somehow everyone juz seems to kno everything. secret is juz a word meant to label something tt everyone knows but do not proclaim. or perhaps people juz read me rly easily. i have a feeling my body langauge reveals much more than i intend to. or perhaps pple juz know everything cuz they do. none of the reasoning sound very convincing.

chamber rehearsal was pretty interesting. sat wit kenneth in the last row :). that's so much less pressure than sitting in first desk. but apparently we're not sposed to be there.. so too bad.

aight work work work

happily ever after

despite the title, i do not believe in happily ever after stories. at least not now. love at first sight, where prince meets princess and falls deeply in love wit her, ceterus peribus, simply does not exist. it is but a mere figment of imagination to make up for the absence of such beautiful beginnings to our lives. which is prolly why i like chick flicks.

tis a normal day. chapel was gd, classes were boring, and people were tired. juz like every other day. excluding chapel. wayne & kenneth were great help in math, brian the sweetie bought me my 1100 words book, joshua busted my shoulder by giving me a surprise whack, n i actually did work at the library wit seok.

met charles at holland v after sch. had lunch/dinner and a nice long talk. he actually attempted to teach me complex numbers. lol. decided to give life singers a miss, and reached home by 830pm.

long day tmr. and i mean looonnnngg. i'll only survive tmr by God's grace. and nothing else.

you bring me round and round and round and round. like a merry-go-round. u make me dizzy, and yet confused. if only i can reach into ur heart, and hear what u have to say. if only.

via dolorosa no more

resurrection Sunday. met wit happy smiles, an interesting communion, and an interesting sermon. there cant be another greater miracle than the resurrection of Christ. He lives :)

hmm another shopping spree commenced after church. outcome: 4 tops, and a wallet :) satiated me. my mom concluded im a high-maintenance girl. i beg to differ.

was attempting my lit essay today. i can safely say that it did not end well, being able to spin out merely 2 pages worth of words, and curses generously directed at poets. Wordsworth in particular. im so not cut out to be a lit student.

mosh

i am the train driver. tracks are laid ahead of me, with many directions with so many signs. i know which track would give me the safest journey. and yet, intuitively i crave danger. the risk. the thrill of overcoming these risks. the ride is bumpy. im feeling the bump right now. and it's not the best feeling on earth

feelings of exhaustion are creeping into me. reached home at midnight ytd frm Bethany church service. which was awesome. the use of music to convey Jesus' love for us as He died for us on the cross. rly emotive and affect-laden. touched me deep. saw tons of AC pple there. samuel jolene antony rachel cherie ben were all involved in the performance. :)

thou shalt not have tuition at 8:30am on a saturday. an unearthly hour as such should be used for sleeping, not reading bout how the world responds to rise in interest rates.

had an undisturbed sleep on the bus all the way to church for worship practice. lunch wit ernest abel n aaron thereafter consisted of the exaggeration of snippets extracted frm the show 'jackass', which instantly evaporated my appetite, successfully leaving half of my lunch untouched.

decided to give the easter retreat a miss this yr :P there's a time for everything. like studies at the moment. charles came over to borrow math notes, and then decided to crash matt's house. which ended up wit a trip to westmall's arcade. met melkhong at the bus stop. it's a small world afterall. but i had to leave upon receiving a call frm ethel, however, for an 'emergency'. short-lived outing as charles put it.

i choose you

squash is fun. ya kno how u suddenly develop an interest in a certain kinda sport outta nothing? yup thats currently on my interest-list. the lil bud of passion spurted after our mini squash game wit seok n shai on tues haha. that resulted in my inability to play the violin during chamber cuz my hand was trembling. oops.

school's a bore. it's such a drag it makes me rly tired. went for a PE health talk which i fully intended to skip.
at LT1 doorway:
me: is this the health talk?
wayne (trying to be funny): nope, this is organic chem lecture.
me: ha ha. i dont wanna go for it. it's SO boring.
wayne: hi sir.
me: (spins around in horror)
wayne: sir, this is joy frm AHRed.

holy crap.

watchd the guys whack each other in squash after tt. yuanhao is my hero. scoring like hundred points against wayne kenneth n kb. hmm not bad at all. had a short chamber rehearsal after tt. then cabbed to church for maundy thursday performance. which was.. just o-kay.

the end.

rock bottom

i see you. a tinge of excitement. which vaporizes within seconds. i dont get it. it isn't supposed to be like that. and yet, when i see him, i feel a sense of warmth. comfy warmth. it ain't sposed to b like tt. no way. this is the death track. and i'm currently stepping on it.

im dead tired. stoned. numb. i cant think. i dont even want to. geog quiz was an utter bore. hats down to RI who wins a million correct answers and a trophy of pride. their intelligence is outside my compassion. amazingly, none of the girls schools made it to the final round. n they say geog is a girly subject.

im dead tired. and yet i have to drag my ass to church for rehearsal in ten. once again, my easily-agreeable nature has put me in a spot that i wouldnt wanna b in. what is it with me and the word 'no'? we cant seem to find each other.

did i mention i hate lizards? HATEHATEHATE. yea i think i did. n yet i seem to have an affinity with lizards. one popped up next to my seat during geog lecture today. i successfully convinced myself that it was a fake lizard, until it moved its legs and crawled down to the 1st row seats. it was the ugliest grossest biggest most disgusting lizard i've ever seen. pink with bulging eyes. the funny thing was: i got scolded for screaming by mr lynn, and yet he evacuated the entire 1st row upon freaking out at the lizard himself. :) i think the south africans in the class thot we were chickens or something.

my confessions

hmm. complications. yea kenneth i realized my life's rly complicated. dont ask me why, or ask me how. it's just the way it is. sometimes complications add a twist to an otherwise boring life. but sometimes, they juz serve to further complicate ur already complicated life. ok im not making alotta sense.

retail therapy on monday wit cherie. we tried on quite some clothes :) went for life singers after that. boring.

long long day today. which ended early cuz of the postponement of double GP class. chamber. which sounded.. pretty gd! :) for some parts of it. hmm.

short day tmr again. chaperoning acsi for geog quiz. hope they're a bunch of nerds who follow instructions like robots n make my life easy.

wake up

What language should you learn?
created with QuizFarm.com

interesting quiz frm grace's blog. and yet another one..

You Are Fun Sexy You're funny, quirky, cute, and sassy. Guys always have a great time with you, and that alone is sexy. You've got an upbeat, optimistic spirit that totally shines through. Any guy would be crazy to turn you down!

hmm right. idk bout that.

aight so anyways~ rev joseph purcell's sermon today was amazing. he said that God's word is like the nectar hidden inside a peach's seed. u have to crack open the rly hard seed b4 u can get to the sweetness of God's word. amen to that.

in (frequent) periods of times, i find that guys can only talk about three things. girls, games and army. it's pretty tragic.

saturday was pretty upbeat. adjourned to church for worship practice (AGAIN), and then cabbed to east coast for our youth grp bbq wit regina ernest and benjamin. gd food, gd company, gd seaview. a blast. joshua provided entertainment by showing us his bike stunts. spent some time figuring out how to cycle abel's bike. alotta the guys brought their own bikes, with seats as high as my upper waist. had a great workout when i cycled wit benjamin. that guy can get a speeding ticket on his bike. right thurr.

school's starting tmr and i havent done ANY work. so much for the study plan.

boulevard of broken dreams

tis an eventful day. in fact, this entire week has been eventful.

a trip made to holland v this morning brought back my pink ipod mini :) it matches my cell n it looks gd so i'm not gonna care bout all of u who said pink's bimbo.

b4 i could remove the package wrappings of the ipod, i had to leave home. went to copthorne orchid for a buffet lunch wit joshua n matthew. joshua had 2 free vouchers :) n it was a star-studded lunch afterall. there was practically a celebrity table in front of us. we saw carrie chong, florence lim n the wheel of fortune dude. no cameras, autographs n squeals of excitement tho.

we went to watch million dollar baby after tt. omg it was such a sad film. a film bout perseverence and strength of a woman. thoroughly inspiring, yet tragic. *tear*

rushed home thereafter.. cuz kb was already at my place. we talked by the pool. had dinner at 9pm as a result.

i realize how much u mean to me. i dont want it to. as the days pass, i long for u more. it's gotta stop. right now.

it's a happy day :)

im nv gonna trust the indians at paris silk. i went down to that place to get the ipod mini three times. n three times it was out of stock. 'come back tmr. stock will b in tmr'. tmr's like never.

had chamber sectionals in the afternoon. wayne joined violin twos. prac was.. quite bad :P we rly need to practice. after prac, went out wit joshua cindy xuhua kenneth charles edwin n wayne to holland v for dinner. lol i shared a kid's meal wit cindy :P fun stuff. then met my mom to get the ipod mini. which was happily out of stock. ugh

i rly should start doing some work.. b4 i get traced down by the vp as well.

someone like you

ugh. ugh. ugh.

heres my fastfowarded events of the day:
went to get my haircut. babysat a few babies. met matthew for the movie 'hitch'. took a bus down to sch. met cindy on the bus. had chamber till 8+pm. charles n i took a ride frm zhic. got home b4 charles did, n thus he owes me 20 guy push-ups. :)

im so confused by you. thoroughly confused. such mixed signals. it's just like sam said. stop go stop go stop go. i wonder if there was even a 'go' in the first place.

without you

i hate the smell at the hospital. it makes me sick. the sterile n sanitary scent of disinfectant and medicine. yuck.

i second grace's blog bout male chauvinistic pigs. girls can live without guys, but the reverse is not possible. i've had enough of *him. esp when he starts becoming snobbish. so wad if u're a guy? doesnt give u much power n advantage over me. cuz guys albeit strong on the surface, are weak n vulnerable on the inside. enough is enough.

hmm juz watched boogeyman. i got pulled into it i totally didnt wanna watch it. AND, i totally didnt get it. but it was FREAKY. altho i didnt watch half of it again. i rly shouldnt watch horror. it's juz a waste of money. went shopping wit my sis. got a crop top n cargo pants. o n i got my highway code books! im serious bout getting my driver's license.

my heart belongs to you

sunday. loved the sermon today. tho the pastor did speak alil fast. but i thot it was gd. im subjected to my opinions haha.

damn i rly wanna watch million dollar baby. n the ticks are running out rly fast. like PS has a SINGLE showtime at 9:30pm the nxt week and then it's GONE. bah. hopefully i'll watch tt tmr.

blessed :)

there's so much to write about that idk where to start. and thus this shall be a boring chronological account of my day... :)

tuition in the morning. which explains why i had to drag my ass off bed at 9am on a sat morning! ugh. i successfully read the map n directed my grandfather to hasshim's place. i hope he excused my severe lack of concentration due to it being the start of the holidays.

had worship practice thereafter. got a ride but was late cuz of the jam at barker road. ah the ACbarker carnival. went there wit matthew after praise prac. it was rly HOT, everything there were rip-offs, and i watched a live cow dump a whole lot of shit on the sch grounds. yes, they brought in two cows to rip money off kids who've nv taken pictures wit cows in their lives. sinfully, i consumed half a fondue wit strawberries which turned out to b my breakfast, lunch and dinner cuz it was so amazingly rich.

went down to Orchard after the carnival. the futile search for ticks for Hitch concluded wit the movie 'Attack on precinct 13', which turned out to b pretty gd. reached home at 8pm, n played badminton wit shaiwan. gd game dude :) we played for two hours straight. had a gd talk by the pool, and ended my day by ending this post.

you nv cease to amaze me...

Your Brain is 80.00% Female, 20.00% Male

Your brain leans female You think with your heart, not your head Sweet and considerate, you are a giver But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

your love is the greatest gift

hmm i did a da vinci code web quest. it was rly exciting cuz it was so real. fun stuff.

ACJC internal founder's day today. im pretty glad we had to play for reception cuz tt totally meant skipping the entire service. which i heard, frm multiple sources, was B-O-R-I-N-G. which samuel n i confirmed when we sneaked into the balcony seats to catch a glimpse of the action, or lack thereof. at least we had the freedom of speech and movement in the viewing gallery, makin our own music n waiting for the guests. on the other hand, i awarded my feet several blisters wearing those damned court shoes. poor poor soles.

splurged another hundred bucks on shopping after early dismissal of sch. bought a top @ forever 21.. lip gloss n other stuff. cherie n i walked the whole of taka looking for a beauty parlor to do her eyebrows. tough luck, none appeared in our field of vision.

mm juz watched xtreme makeover. it's amazing. not juz the physical changes. but how each of the participants, no matter how ugly and insecure they are, always have someone who loves them dearly for who they are, and will always be waiting to welcome him/her back. love is beyond skin-deep and superficiality. i think that's the message the show advocates, and it's that which makes it more than juz another reality TV show.

as long as you love me

i rly wonder what you're thinking. what you mean by the things you said. i know im not showing you the real me. the real me with the more than real feelings. that's because i dont want to leave myself vulnerable to the spears of hurt that may come. im afraid. afraid of the next step. i swore i would never jump into this without thinking again. and yet, i find myself in the same pool of confusion. again. wondering. i want you. and yet, you have no idea

got my result slip today. dont kno what to think bout a BCDE. nice progression, it being geog, lit, math, and econs respectively. bah ok it sucks alright? everything sucks.

had chamber rehearsal after sch. too short to b effective. but im not complaining. got a ride frm charles for half of the journey home. the rest, was traveled in solitude.

my mom's traveling to china tmr. tt leaves my home utterly parent-less. somehow that spells heaven

sweet slumber

i've collapsed into deep sleep the moment i got home frm sch. these few days have been rly crazy. the late nights are starting to have an effect on me.

had chamber rehearsal ytd. it kinda aggravated my sprained wrist. played even softer than the usual soft tt i play. anyways~ what was intended to b a 4 hours practice ended at 8pm when the conductor could not make it for rehearsal. charles, wayne n i went for dinner at kap. we got the ready-cooked chicken n ribs frm cold storage, n wolfed it down at mcdonald's. lol without any utensils.

school today was sposed to b short, but the leadership workshop took tt away. it was utterly BORING. cherie n i indulged in everything possible in an LT to keep awake. more than half of the class werent there. gee.

the walk wit my dogs was pretty refreshing. i went to the place i havent gone in some time - the children's playground. i love the swing. as i rode on the swing in the cool night air, i felt the awakening of the child in me. the sky was the opposite of the deserted playground, crowded and lit with the sparkling of stars. watching the sky made me feel so small. im but a mere figure in universe. and yet God loves me.

the alone time gave me space to think. to clear my thoughts. i could have watched the sky forever. im so lost in the world of the stars and clouds. it seems to draw me closer to Him.

u paint a smile to my face. i think of u, and only u. i wonder what thoughts run through ur mind as you see me; as u lift up ur face to smile as well. what am i doing? venturing into this realm. i know how much hurt it can bring if i tread on the wrong path. and yet, i'm doing it for you.

the gift

my very own situational irony of the day:
7pm. strutted to a bus stop only to miss my bus by what seemed like a milisecond.
8pm. still at the bus stop wondering why the bus hasnt come yet. wondering RLY hard.
8:15pm. gleefully sighted the bus and alighted.
8:16pm. cell rings. hello? what? only chris is there so life singers rehearsal is canceled? ok i'll turn back now.

............

for all tt cash spent on the bus fare n the time wasted, i believe in God's grace. my eyes felt like lead due to the apparent lack of sleep, n i was looking forward to ample rest to prep for the long day tmr. kids, be careful what you wish for. or rather, be careful what you pray for.

i'll juz take tonight as a overdued night walk. a time to b alone, a time to think.

had another series of high-strung gamecube battles at shaiwan's today. cherie seok kb n i went over after school's out. had an awesome time there. i love u guys :)

so to the rare monday night i have at home, im gonna treat my eyes to a few cool refreshing slices of cucumber, indulge in a bubble bath in my bathtub, paint my nails silver-pink, attempt the GP reading package, and couch-potato till the desperate housewives unleash their own suburban drama on TV. heavenly.

don't go breaking my heart

i just watched 'how to lose a guy in 10 days'. the satisfaction n joy derived frm watching such romance on film is overwhelming. it prolly dictates the absence of true love&romance in real life. in the show, love is a game. just as in reality. the BIG difference is, the show ends with the game blossoming into love. while in real life, everything ends, as the finish of a game. sometimes i wonder if im rly a romantic.

weekends blew past in a whiz. like they always do. completed my workout regime, n went for the redbluegold dinner @ barker on sat wit josh. it was ok, but definitely not worth the money. hung for a drink at coffee club thereafter. successfully cabbed home short of the midnight surcharge again.

sunday's worship was a tad off. but the sermon was gd. by rev hans walter. ive heard several of his sermons b4. somewhere. i cant rmb where. they're all pretty gd. a bunch of young eurasian missionaries venturing into Asia to spread the gospel. r-e-s-p-e-c-t. had lunch wit the '87ers. just like the gd ole times. it was definitely fun.

isabel's back frm the USA :) tts the only reason im looking forward to sch tmr. i cant wait to see her in sch!

probs, n more probs

twas a pretty rejuvenating day. exciting, since ive had enough slp for once.

so school was BS. teachers and students were juz too hyped up by the A'levels results to rly get down to any work at all. basically, we had a few pathetic half-hearted classes b4 being let off sch. joanne n i were picked to help out wit arranging the top A'level students who were going on stage to get their 'blessings' n the sheet of paper which guarantees them into top colleges. the students were crying, screaming, jumping or wad-have-u in the backstage, hugging teachers, fervently thanking them. tis a moving sight. mrs meow was in tears. awww.

the results were.. pretty gd. a huge bunch of pple had 3 distinctions and above. like a quarter of the cohort. including a smartass crazy nut who got 8 distinctions. like WOW. congrats to all seniors!

so after tt emotional tide, a bunch of us went over to shaiwan's. mario tennis n mario cart! they're my addiction. :) we camped there all the way till 6pm, n went down to school for Arts Night. omg this yr's programs were awesome. they were much better than last year's programs. lotsa dances, bands, n vocals. tho not all the bands were gd..

the same bunch of us went to holland v after tt, wit mark clement keith n pedro. due to the apparent indecisiveness of the guys, we only decided to settle in at swensons (again!) @ 10pm! lol on the plus side, shaiwan n i shared a free maincourse meal due to the 3-for-3 offer. shoot me for dancing in glee about tt. i paid service charge :)

cabbed home due to bad cramps. the timer on the cab was fast, n i barely made the midnight surcharge mark. i was all like, could u STEP ON IT please?! n reached my doorstep 4 minutes short of the doubling of my fare. hallelujah

i wanna watch hitch...

love

Sir i wanna buy these shoes
for my Momma please
It's christmas eve, and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry, sir
Daddy says there's not much time
You see, she's been sick for quite a while
And i know these shoes will make her smile
And i want her to look beautiful
if Momma meets Jesus tonight


i attempted to resurrect my piano skills in an hour of piano-playing, sightreading the scores off a new book. it was insane. i found myself futilely trying to reach the notes written - chords that were 11 notes apart. it sounded horrible as i voluntarily edited all these chords into spread chords. the maximum chord i could play was a 9-note chord. my hands nv felt so stretched thruout the pieces, where these monstrous chords appeared in almost every bar. i wonder who can play the actual written piece in the first place

started reading 'angels & demons' today. n i couldnt stop reading. but sometimes i find my faith a lil shaken of track. cuz alotta stuff tt talked about in the book.. alotta anti-christ content.. they're stemmed frm historical facts n figures. i mean yea it's a fiction book n all tt, but the 'fiction' is derived frm 'non-fiction', taking Christianity off the hook. idk. someone enlighten me

nobody's fool

my dogs can bring such a heartfelt smile to my face. even in my worst moments. i juz feel so much joy when i watch their every move, all so innocent and happy. happiness is infectious :)

people have monday blues. but i have wednesday blues. somehow when tt happens, i seem to be holding a magnifying glass, that make pple's faults juz seem so magnified and highlighted. including my own faults and insecurities. i felt i was being made use of. by pple who took advantage of my easily-agreeable nature.

so many issues. so much to think about. i was deeply down due to my dad's departure this morning as well. broke down. tears seem like the easy way out. n it was. it worked.

time check: 8pm
the tears are still there. my eyes feel dry, and my heart empty. i cant explain it. i cant put words to it. i nv felt so completely wiped out. hollow. i cant find something to hold on to. something that's worthwhile. i hate myself for being so weak. for succumbing to myself. giving in to tears. but i juz cant seem to find any strength left. strength in prayer? in God? theres so much hurt tt i nv knew existed. and it all juz came pouring out today

christmas shoes

as i listen to the song 'christmas shoes', i rly started crying. it's such a sweet but sad song. the lyrics are so beautiful.

hmm second blog post within 4 hours. im blogging to keep my mind off stuff. like the lizard tt juz ran into my room n refuses to come out; like the immaturity of my sister who refuses to grow up.

sigh.

He's leaving. n i cant stop it. i know as i watch him walk away, that it'll be a long time before we'll bridge that emptiness that he sets between us when he leaves. and yet, i know i can do something about it. i know i can stop this once and for all. it's just me. it's my call. the pressure's on. should i make a sacrifice? or should i do what i believe will make me happy? i seem to be always slapped with the tough decisions. it's always between heart and mind. the thing is, u can never satisfy both.

sigh.

the damn lizard decided to marathon around my room. when the door's right there. it's amazing how it managed to climb 8 storys up to my room. lizards seem to find me wherever i go. just the other day, one popped in frm the NL window onto raj n started running around the classroom. i hate lizards.

angel eyes

daffy day today was. sch was till 11am due to ACS founder's day @ the indoor stadium. blingbling. BUT, it was totally boring. seriously. the entire stadium was packed wit guys frm AC primary to AC college. plus ACS international. as it would go without saying, it was -OMG-

the AC primary & junior boys were adorable. seriously. totally cr8zy, but cute nonetheless. they looked like massive numbers of squashable white&blue cockroaches when they were running down frm their seats to the center to volunteer to play dead. their inability to comprehend the word "play dead" was certainly amusing as they totally ignored the pastor's commands to lie on the floor n remain silent. rather, they had fun beating each other up, piggy-back-ing each other, and waving to the cameras in center stage. total crack up.

the event graced the presence of tharman the minister & robert solomon the bishop. zZz. my trip to dreamland says it all. so there was the official welcome of ACS international, and the 3 new houses in all the AC schools. n cheesy-to-sleep games tt were played after benediction.

well at least this is one founder's day tt doesnt require repeated chamber performance of pieces while pple wolf down reception food in front of us and feel sorry for us.