just to see you smile

omg ive watched the prince & me like 3 times. but every time i watch it, i like it even more! : ) such a fairy tale far frm reality, and yet so amazing. esp the chemistry btwn the lovers. awwww... its so gd that, right after we watched it (when the credits were showing), cherie wanted to watch to rewind and catch it frm the start again. lol =p chick flicks make u feel soo gd.

love will find a way...

i watched the maid finally. haha. it was pretty gd. not as scary as shutter, but definitely scary enough for me to watch most parts of the movie through the gaps of my hands, or watch joshua watching the movie. but hey, i watched the show. mikey u better get that 15 bucks frm the atm soon. and you beter be reading this! : )

met up wit the SA1 gang after the movie and got to catch up a lil wit sarah : ) ended up wit us getting jordi labanda journals!! : ) i finally have a medium to pen my thoughts in, n sarah her book to do her prelim papers in lol. how nice.

argh. i rly rly dont understand guys. i GREW UP with guys, and yet i can nv seem to capture the same picture in which they view the world. i find myself asking 'wheres the logic in this?!' in how they think, respond, and deal with issues. their actions sometimes just seem way out of my comprehension. yea, God made boys and girls truly different. but theres gotta b a line of understanding somewhere right? afterall, we're generically human beings.

grr. o well. guys prolly think the same way about girls sometimes. ah whatever.

somewhere out there...

just the girl

i like today TOO! : )

and i know this is one night where i'll tuck myself into bed by myself, and slp like a baby straight into tmr noon. im as sleepy as any sleepy pig can get. *yawn*

im starting to like pool a LOT!! didnt use to like it last time cuz my balls wld go anywhere but into the sockets. wit SOME skill & SOME dexterity they're less off-course now, albeit still off-course haha. tho i reckon the girls' game took more than twice the time of the guys' game. ah but practice makes perfect : ) i wanna play more pool!!

so after an entire morning/afternoon indulging in guy-activities.. pool & daytona-ing, we dedicated the rest of the evening to girl-activities. SHOPPING!!! : ) wit seok & cherie. we tried on so many things. or at least i did haha. got quite a few nice tops today! : ) the almost-empty orchard road made it all the more pleasurable. no crowds, no long queues (ok there were some), but no noise! awesome. omg there was a GORGEOUS miniskirt at forever 21 that left me drooling after i tried it on, until the price tag flashed past my eyes, and i started sulking. and then there was the spagetti strap top that left cherie n i in utter dismay because their smallest size was medium and that was too huge. *SIGH* ahh well gift of contentment! i had a great time. and that's all that matters. : )

thnx guys for a wonderful day out! : ) love ya all

I'm always stuck with these emotions
And the more I try to feel the less I'm whole

my folks have officially evacuated the house to an alien country jakarta today. thus my sister and i have been upgraded to the women of the house. woa woa woa : ) we'll see how things turn out at the end of the business trip haha.

ok im beginning to see my eyelids. not gd. time for beauty sleep 101. peace out : )

say goodnight

i like today : )

i experienced the slow paced, the tranquil, God's peace.. a gd break frm the life that circumstance has forced us to live in.

dinner was gd. the steak was soo finger lickin' gd i found myself wishing for a larger appetite lol. took a walk down singapore river with the kids; a walk down memory lane.. it brought a state of nostalgia, but the sound of the river and night sky always did have a soothing effect on me, and it was juz peaceful to stand by the river watching the hustle-n-bustle of nightlife at the quay : ) i really love that place. a place for slow walks, night breeze, and release.

Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feeling
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling
Through an endless diamond sky


on the flip side.. the whole time i was there, i was on the phone, and when i finally looked around me.. there were couples making out left right center, and then there was me, on the phone, laughing and talking.. major OOPS IM SORRY.

had a lil quiet feet-waddling-in-the-pool time wit my fam after tt when we revisted the pool of condo that was home for 5 years, currently rented out to a cool british dude whos a sports commentator for espn, so that's cool wit us : ) had some time to reflect and think.. a lil star gazing.. wishing upon a star.., and juz enjoying the cool night air. slow. sort of like a small paradisiacal quiescent moment, with me and myself. just what the doctor ordered : )

A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But when I'm way up here
It's crystal clear
That now I'm in a whole new world with you

i like today : )

while you loved me

thnx gabriel for helping me add on the archives link : ) pretty cool i havent been reading my past entries till that was up. and i think i have rly changed since i started the blog. in a positive or negative way.. that i havent decided. prolly both. lol.

been rather successful at retail therapy recently. i swear, it works magic. and then we find ourselves wishing we were richer, or wishing we had rich boyfriends, or wanting to marry rich & hot men in the future. haha. but God granted us the gift of contentment. and so it will be. a contented man (or girl) is a happy man (or girl). : )

ahh. murphy's law proved itself present in church today. everything that cld go wrong, went wrong. sigh. o well, if at first u dont succeed, try try again! : )

ohohoh ive been playing tontie recently hehehe. which was recommended by kenneth. hitting tonties popping out of holes (that show rather clear geographical strata) with pikopiko hammers is a great way of providing home entertainment as long as a great laugh. haha. of course, tower defense has been rather fun too, but if i were to choose.. i'd still choose the cutesy lighthearted game to the intense monster-peppered game. a lil frm both worlds will do just fine : )

going out for dinner at black angus now : ) weee. havent been there in a while. a time to binge! yayay. gonna play pool tmr.. after a BILLION years omg. fun stuff. : )

momento mori

It just took some time to understand
You gave me words I just can't say
So if nothing else
I'll hold on while you drift away

i rly need to correct my sleeping pattern. or maybe it's fine, just tt my body clock disallows "sleeping in" when i desperately need it. grr. i woke at 9 today after sleeping at.. god knows what time ytd night : (

*yawn* im soo sleepy now..

something rly interesting happened on the bus today : ) the memory of it makes me smile n my heart skip a beat. haha. fun stuff. catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day.. . heres a beautiful star that fell into my book of memories that wld be pleasant to recall on a rainy day : )

Maybe today
It's gonna be okay
I will remember

speaking of stars.. i wanna go star gazing!! havent had the luxury of time since eons ago.. now that that's finally back in my grip.. muahaha. well at least for now. i was promptly reminded by a senior of how near A's were today. gee cut me some slack will ya. >.< 2 months. that's a loonnngg time =p for now im juz gonna catch up on sleep haha!

angel of music

promise me that all you say is true
that's all i ask of you

music makes things alright. yeah it does.

people say, you can tell how a person is by how he/she reacts under stress. today, i realized that you dont need a stressful situation to truly tell a person's character. little signals and actions speak for themselves. i pray to God to grant me patience and acceptance. i tell myself, they are doing the best they can. in times like these, God reminds me of His perfect and unconditional love. He loved us without expectation, and i should love others without expectations too.

breathe in breathe out. it's just human nature...

Softly, deftly, music shall caress you
Hear it, feel it, secretly possess you
Open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind

on a brighter note, econs paper today marks the end to prelims!! grr altho i did make MANY careless mistakes in the mcq section, and had a slight bit of time management prob for drq, but i think i'll pass : ) and that's all that matters right now. more than half of the class went for lunch together after the paper. and for ONCE we took less than an hour to decide where to eat. hurray.

ok -fastfoward-

shopping! we dragged our sleep-deprived but ecstatic souls through mango, browsing isetan earrings, and PS. i got a bag at xcessories : ) plus a cute ipod sock. say no to scratches! hehehe.

Let your mind start a journey through a strange, new world
Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before
Let your soul take you where you long to go
Only then can you belong to me

o.m.g i think im gonna play badminton tmr for the first time in... i lost count. it's so sad considering how we use to play every single week last yr. yet another family tradition that's diminished over time. i rly miss those times. i miss last year. a LOT.

sometimes i wish time wld pause, stop, and rewind. take me back to my dreams, where things were almost perfect and happy. and SIMPLE. browsing through my old photographs frm last yr, the temporality of the gd things i have struck me. just as good things come and go, friendships are also like the cosine curve. it starts off high, but it often falters off to a low. it may rise again, it may not. i guess time will tell.

You are my desire,
no one else will do
cuz nothing else could take Your place
to feel the warmth of Your embrace

ahh well i know i'll be fine if Jesus is my friend : ) besties forever!

a whole new world

catch a falling star and put it in your pocket
save it for a rainy day!

one more day to gooooo...
i cant help but feel happy : ) im sry for science peeps. it'll b over soon too!

one more dayyyy... : )

mixed feelings bout today's paper. i wasnt expecting much considering i spent my entire ytd doing everything BUT study for the paper. till 30 minutes before the clock struck 12 i was still casually airing my books (which have gotten a lil wet) and humming beauty & the beast. i woke up this morning, thinking shit im screwed, n then heck, juz whack : ) ahh well lets juz keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best!

i attended a record-breaking 4 hours of econs tuition ytd. O.M.G. the first time and last time ever in this life. we put the law of diminishing returns truly to the test, esp in a combined class of 8.. the aa3 guys juz lost it after a while haha. it was funny to watch. wee and had my 2nd lamb burger wit joshua. im STILL lovin' it! :D this comes strange for a girl who doesnt like sheep when they're in a bowl without wool. hmm...

omg my dad bought charlie & the chocolate factory!! and must love dogs!! : ) just as my exams are ending.. yay! God truly planned a time for everything haha.

ohohoh! i saw a squirrel with nuts in its mouth just now! O.M.G it was adorable shai n i were walking to the bus stop, and one hopped right by us on top of the fence, and i saw nuts in its mouth!! it was pretty big.. like the size of the squirrel's head, and i screamed at shai to look at it, but he looked everywhere but at the squirrel due to my incoherent instructions (LOOK!!!) o well too bad. i shld have had a camera with me dang!

so sleepy nowww.. i keep forgetting i still have a paper tmr! last leg of this (trial) race. lets cross the finish line together with huge smiles on our faces! go ahred! : )

somewhere out there

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight

Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there

such beautiful lyrics.. : ) jason rmb when we sang that at my place!! haha. if u even read this anymore.

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

brings me back to my disney days : ) today seems like the back-to-the-kid-days for me haha. blowing plastic balloons wit my sister, & disney soundtrack, movies. beauty & the beast! :D

Let me be your wings
Leave behind the world you know
for another world of wonderous things.
We´ll see the universe and dance on Saturns´s rings.
Fly with me and I will be your wings.

haha disney's the culprit for inculcating and cultivating the romantic idiot that im now :p

ahh so cute

she's so cute!! too bad she's not my cousin/sister or watever. mark shone's daughter. pretty baby haha

the f word

Cause I had a bad day
I'm taking one down
I sing a sad song just to turn it around

the word of the day.. is fail. hehe. or flunk. or fish. no, i dont swear.

this was how bad the geog paper was:
raj: GG is an understatement man! we frigging got raped!

ha ha.

yup it was bad. oh so bad. i never once stopped writing in the 3 hours. yet, at the time of death ("pens down!"), i had 2 DRQs undone, one 25 mark essay left, and plenty to worry about. -insert tear-

fail math: check
fail geog: check

yeah yeah i know how the saying goes. dont cry over flunked papers. i mean, spilled milk. so i tried some guys' icecream. DOTA! ok no, i did not play dota. but i did try some games that involved holding a gun, and shooting a lousy rabbit. not that it helped.

o well. 10 papers down. 3 to go. im just glad today's over. this broken train will pick herself up again, and go for another choochoo ride. theres always something to thank God for, and that's for the fellowship that's been strengthened as we go through this thick and thin together, holding on and pressing on, being united with God's strength and prayers before the exam : ) go muggers love ya guys : )

willy wonka

Willy Wonka makes
Everything he bakes
Satisfying and delicious
Talk about your childhood wishes
You can even eat the dishes

haha willy wonka wonk-ying with my brain. there's actually a soundtrack on charlie & the choc factory! : )

im feeling pretty fine right now.. only because i juz woke up from a sinful unintended nap that is consequence of reading never-ending geog notes. o.m.g. geog notes r juz fine instruments for prepping ur entry into lalaland, it works almost every time. not even blowing those plastic balloons tt cherie bought me kept me awake.

you've changed so much.. i hardly recognize you now

it's rather amusing how there're so many guys complaining of feeling fat during this exam period. on the other hand, i personally havent heard much frm girls complaining of the above symptom. :p hehehe.

boohoo back to geog. my 150th attempt or watever. cant seem to concentrate. juz willing time to fast foward till friday!! wee~

moving on..

the gateway to heaven

what a beautiful breath-taking picture. i received it by an unintentional mistake with the mouse, and instead of juz receiving a song, i received both the beauty of nature and music : ) thank you God for making my day with simple little things.

"Sunsets are so beautiful that they almost seem as if we were looking through the gates of Heaven." - John Lubbock

i couldnt agree more : )

it got rid most of my monday blues. that came bout due to my inability to slp last night. haunted by depositional coastlines and cave formations. ok so maybe my brain's telling me to stop studying. hurhur. i wish. had many bizarre dreams that were just... bizarre. grr hope this means i can slp better tonight.

boohoo math and geog paper tmr. how do u spell stress? gah. but i kno God will see me through. He gives strength to the weary and power to the weak! : )

i wanna go watch the sunset..... : (

northern stars

it is really really strange how my weight seems to go down the more i eat. hmmm. indirectly proportionate factors? haha

the BK lamb burger is back!!! o.m.g im loving it. juz last week i was telling mac how awesome the burger was while we were eating at BK. and today i ate it, with mac, at BK. he's my lucky star or something haha. or maybe they heard me showering praises of the burger. :p wee~ haha remembering the times when wayne bryan and i wld eat that packaged heaven every week after band practice, and never grew sick of it : ) good ol times r back!

lol rly miss d bullshit-talking-sessions we have for cell grp : ( missed all of you guys! went to church for a while today, and choochoo-ed to hiro's for TUITION! on a sunday! man. ok so we were a tad early, and so mac and i decided to relive our childhood seesaw delights at the playground. hehehe. i shld have had a brought a camera damn. i bet we looked horribly retarded, but it was a whole load of fun :p

wee wad a fun end to a week. before my nightmare week starts. in approximately 11 hours time. sigh sometimes i wonder if u can ever finish studying geog. seems like the song that never ends. but then again, i kno of at least 2 people who've finished studying... grrr.

colorado river here i come...... >.<

my passenger seat

everything's gonna be alright.
Be strong. Believe

thanks guys. for caring : ) God answered my prayers and blessed me with peace. He makes all things beautiful in His time : )

6 papers down, 6 more to go. i wonder if im more prepared for this coming week's papers than i was last week. last week was a plane crash wit dozens of casualties. im keeping my fingers crossed for just a gentle train wreck next week *fingers crossed*

but ah, one can always hope.. =p

this ball's bounced back frm the pits, and up in the competition again : ) look out world, here i come!

I'll find a way to shine
Leave all those rainy days behind

ive had some time to revisit a few folks who lived in beethoven's and debussy's time recently due to my home-bound study time. n i was rather pleasantly surprised at my ability to still perform these piano pieces. : ) after 4 years. i sight-read many of the other pieces while i was at it, and it brought back a nostalgic moment for a while there. a very different sort of adrenaline rush as the music distilled into familiar magic of the piano. i really love sight-reading :D i rly miss performing. after having done it all my life.

one thing's for sure.. they beat statistics and complex numbers anytime.

ahh well. 4 sub isnt easy. but we're gonna persevere and emerge triumph : ) go muggers! 5 more days go go go !

october night

Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

boohoo. i wanna go for the church sleepover and steamboat : ( anything beats anything im going thru right now. anything.


But i believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So i just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But i can make you see it through
That's something only love can do


5 posts in two days. joy, you must b a rly sad and boreed girl.

power of your love

Lord i come to You,
let my heart be changed, renewed
flowing from the grace, that i found in You
Lord i've to come to know,
the weaknesses i see in me
will be taken away,
by the power of Your love

HOld me close, let Your love surround me
Bring me near, draw me to Your side
And as i wait, i'll rise up like the eagle
And i will soar with You, Your Spirit leads me on,
In the power of Your love

you lied to me. i was a fool for trusting you. you lied. you lied a big fat lie. and now i suffer. because you're too cowardly to face up to your lie. i dont hate you for it. i feel sorry for you. i pray to God each day, to forgive your sins of deception. i pray to God each day, that one day, you'll realise what you've done, and repent before the Lord. i pray to God each day, that i'll find the capacity and the love in me, to forgive and forget. i pray for you..i do.

raindrops keep falling on my head.... tears keep falling on my cheeks. tears of frustration, anger, desperation, sadness.. some people try to help. yeah i rly appreciate it. but i need to deal with this by myself. i need to face up to it and deal with it. no longer should i run away frm my problems, or shirk away frm the fear of dealing with it. i will face up to it. i will, with God's strength and guidance, i will survive.

i thank God each day for my two little joys at home : ) my dogs can make me smile no matter how bad each day is. i kno they're always there for me.. to hug, to have fun with, to cuddle, to juz fool around and act like a kid all over again. they've never abandoned me, and they always seem to be there when i cry.

guess theres always something to thank God for huh..

speechless

why is it i feel the way i do? i cant explain this feeling thats running through me. a feeling of incomplete. like theres something missing.

but what's missing? i cant place it. idk why i dont feel peace within me. its as if i need reassurance. but reassurance from whom? frm what? i cant explain.

sometimes i wonder, if i ever made a difference to someone else's life. if the words i say, the things i do, ever made someone else smile. i ponder about the friendships i have made. the bonds im so afraid to break.

idk why im thinking the things i am now. maybe it's cuz i finally have some time to take a breather, tt my brain starts functioning normally instead of trying to suck up statistics, math formulas, and literary quotes. and then i feel fear. the fear of what's ahead. of what's going to happen. of changes.

after leading a sheltered life and well-trodden path of life, suddenly, we're slammed with responsibilities, choices, and crossroads. the point of no return. this little boat is afraid of leaving its dock, after dreaming forever of being outward bound. it aint so easy when u're face to face with danger itself.

my mind's a mess. i start to ponder about the dumbest question on earth. what makes me happy? what is happiness all about? im not one to believe in the philosophical crap that our society's loaded us with. and yet, when ur mind's trapped in the eye of a whirlwind, you start to ponder about MANY things.

i feel.. confused. for the lack of a better synonym. maybe a little more fear than anticipation. somehow, i just feel like im out of it. withdrawn into my own little world. i guess it happens sometimes huh?

i feel like i wanna cry. thing is, i wouldnt kno wat i would be crying about.

one year, six months

6 hours of writing have finally passed. shld i laugh because it's over, or cry because all i wrote was bullshit, or frown cuz idk what to feel? i dont rmb wad i wrote, except my last essay for return of the native, bcos it was my LAST paper. in my current brain-dead stage, i recall writing down some love advice in response to "comment on the development of the love relationship btwn Clym and Eustacia". in other words, i found myself in the role of aunt agony when i shld have been in the mind of an astute observant literary critic.

"A love relationship will never work out btwn two individuals if they enter it loaded with expectations of the other!"

"How can a love relationship survive without compromises and sacrifices made to one another?!"

"A couple needs to listen to one another so as to understand one another's desires and wishes."


please give me an A for my fantastic ability to dish out love advice.

maybe thats the prob wit lit. it gets to whirled up into real life (it's supposed to anyways) that you start writing from experience. you dont see science students having this prob.

sigh.

my day started out wit a big fat ugly BLACK cockroach running over my hand in the bathroom, and frm then on my day juz got worse. gah. give me ants, mosquitoes, other creepy-crawlies.. even lizards. anything, BUT cockroaches. thats juz a tad too much.

AND.. i lost my pencil case. gee, my day juz cant get any better.

God, u there? i could rly use a hug now.. hold me in Your arms, never let me go. i'll cry on Your shoulders, lean on You as my pillar of strength. God, please tell me everything's gonna b alright...



There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me
Should I keep on waiting
Or does love keep on fading away..

holding on

"And then a hero comes along,
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside,
and you know you can survive"

i wanna be that hero. my own hero.

my 178th post. blogging is therapeutic. immersed in a self-pledged time of no worries and rantings. blogging soup for the soul.

hey, at least i had a fun time in the library today blowing plastic balloons wit cherie :p so we made a bubble-man, which shrank to an incoherent mass of undescribable.. thing in 20 minutes. we took a picture of that "thing" we made wit cherie's phone, which was christianed as 'jerrie' (a combi of our names), and it looked rly funny on the phone because it was transparent and yet not transparent, so that it looked like a ghost wit distorted eyes and a mouth or nose in the picture.

i think the studying's getting to our heads.. ha ha.

an sms aptly summised our day tmr. -ding- "you've got hell". yes, hell. 6 hours of writing, 3 lit essays, 5 DRQs, and 1 geog essay. today was 13 page of econs essay (which still dont cut it cuz i didnt even finish). sometimes i wonder y im in the arts fac when i absolutely hate writing wit my pen.

ok back to tourism case studies..

sapped

sometimes it seems, when even giving your 200% just dont cut it.

where nothing seems to work, no matter how hard you try.

if at first you dont succeed, try, try, try again.

but at times i cant help but wonder, if i shld keep on trying. pushing for something tt isnt there. knowing tt each time i leap, i fall.

hello God, it's me again. me against myself. i am my greatest enemy.

having to withstand orders barked out like insults during area cleaning didnt help much either.

o well. i guess i'll order another plate of tiramisu. no, wait, make it a box.

just to see you smile, i'd do anything

ahhhhh chilled home-made tiramisu served right as the clock chimes twelve. just what the doctor ordered : )

gosh its amazing how a mix of chocolate&coffee can make a girl so happy :D even knowing im gonna flunk my math paper (n subsequently geog and E1) isnt gonna make me any less satiated than i am now.

thank you lord for listening to my silent prayers...

i am amazed. awed. truly, You make all things beautiful in Your time.

"Things that are past are done, with me"

i can smile, as You flood me with peace. i can laugh, as You fill my heart with warmth, the warmth frm the care tt people around me have shown for me. i am truly, truly touched. and in spite of everything, i am truly, truly blessed.

panic alarm

"brring!" goes my panic alarm. or went off ytd night. somehow i managed to snooze it, since im online now typing this post. idk maybe i just dont realize prelims is in 2 days time.

joy, prelims are in 2 days time.

doesnt seem to work. hmm.

or maybe it has to do wit the resignation to my doomed fate. i am more than 110% sure that im not gonna b able to finish studying. nada. doesnt help knowing that alotta papers are killer papers too.

i got a new laptop today :D whee. my dad went out empty handed in the morning, and produced a sleek silver laptop upon his return. this 40 gig baby replaced my CPU tt has been faithfully slogging for me since my 14th birthday. bye baby i'll miss u. haha. sentimental? nah im juz playing around :p

got a boombox in my room now too :D my radio life's back!

man this is so NOT conducive.

stop it joy.

out.

And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go
And some say love is everything
And some say they don't know

light in your eyes

i realized i have a very (extremely) high tendency of sprouting nonsense when im tired. somehow my brain juz shuts down, and my mouth takes over... till the person im talking to starts getting rly amused, and screams at me JOY WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? i wld snap outta it, mumble my excuse 'oh sorry im rly tired', and 5 min later.. JOY!! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??

tt was prolly wat happened in ytd's phone conversation wit sam. i dont rly have much recollection of what we actually talked about, except tt i was talking rubbish n prolly gibberish. oops. im sry sam. it was rather late heh =p

ive managed to land myself in 3 paper cuts today. once while helping mac sort out his photocopied math papers, twice while actually DOING the math papers. grr. paper burns.

ok nonsense aside, i think im so very extremely tremendously screwed for prelims. insurmountable piles of geog notes to gallop myself thru, formidable list of shakespeare quotes to memorize, and of course not forgetting to package our 10 novels into bite-size content to be regurgitated on exam day.

maybe theres more than one reason why im sprouting nonsense afterall.

let me be the one

"Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another" - Walter Elliott

facing difficulties persevering. common theme in the struggle of life. but the one who perseveres win. because in galatians 6:9, God tells us, "let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap, if we do not lose heart".

still a lil overcome by fatigue frm ytd night's nat day party, and late night MSN convos. my confidence interval juz shrunk by more than half after i flunked the TJ math 2004 paper. making mistakes i shldnt have, confusing myself in mathematical formulas tt i shld have at my beck and calling by now. why cant i be gd at math for juz once in this life.

i really (really, really, really) cant wait till after prelims.

So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

vindicated

"The poor soul sat sighing by a sycamore tree,
Sing all a green willow;
Her hand on her bosom, her head on her knee,
Sing willow, willow, willow;
The fresh streams ran by her and murmured her moans;
Sing willow, willow, willow.
Her salt tears fell from her and softened the stones -
Sing willow, willow willow..."

altho i cant imagine how this song will sound like in an actual Shakespearen play, i think i can imagine how Desdemona was feeling when she sang it; an epitome of sadness enveloped in an innocent woman, whose only fault was to love too much.

argh.


got these pictures frm seok's blog. hehe sry seok! but they're so beautiful, and rather professional *grin* was rather disappointed tt i didnt get to go. circumstances wouldnt allow it, n i did have my fair share of fun during the day. sigh. what a waste.. wonder if there'll b next times. sigh.





Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out

i shld b studying. but ive just lost the drive to do so. burn out? idk. havent been studying that much in the first place. when theres a will, theres a way. thing is, i cant find the will. doesnt help tt my dad bought back every single episode of star wars. hmm.

argh.

funny how many pple i saw at westmall today while reading othello. i saw mr sim clad in casuals for once. then i saw jason, ian, and gladys. hmm. interesting.

sentimental...

ahh today marks the official end of strings : ) bittersweet feelings tt arise frm the memories shared, happy or otherwise, n the only thing tt made strings worthwhile - the camaraderie. its sad knowing tt there r some friends who wont b as close to each other wit the absence of strings prac, but tis also a test of the depth of friendships forged. friends come and go, but true friends will always remain true : )

performance during nat' day thanksgiving service today wasnt all too gd. but ahh whatever it's our last one. =p went to watch charlie and the chocolate factory wit wayne n mac. whee :D it was gd. made me feel like i was ten again. not like ive ever lost my desire for chocolates lol. a trip to venezia after tt brought me back to guilt lane when i saw SO many AC students wit heads bowed and pens in their hands, busy scribbling down answers for past yr prelim papers in various cafes. immediate course of action: shifted tuition to an earlier time, and had bout 3 hours straight of integration after icecream.

Jealousy is the green-eyed monster that doth mocks the meat which it feeds on - Shakespeare

i cant agree more with the guy more.

shakespeare seems to make more and more sense to me as i read it, graduating frm a mess of jumbled alien english words to a tragedy wit philosophical statements applicable in daily life. yet, i cant seem to enjoy much of it when im trying to memorize two full Shakespearen plays into my head, and a 400-page descriptive novel of nature and characters of men.

just.my.luck.

boulevard of unfulfilled dreams

omg i witnessed something that normal people shouldnt have observed. visual disarray. lesson learnt: nv walk into a bathroom wit music plugged in via headphones tt dissect all other sounds around u. you nv kno who's in the bathroom.

ugh my study drive has been utterly disintegrated by longings and cravings tt often seem the much easier way out of the claustrophobic situation tt we've been holed into. in my boredom on the train ive ranked em in accordance to degree of craving n utility =P

joy's wishlist
1) b-r-o-w-n-i-e-s (with icecream). i cant emphasize it enough. enough is never enough. i cant keep track of how many times ive fallen victim to my sweet tooth. daily scoop's definitely the first destination to head to after exams.

2) fireworks @ the bay!! as i read the newspaper ytd i was SO psyched up bout 'spectacular display of simultaneous fireworks at different locations' and 'three times more fireworks this year' tt i made a mental note to be at esplanade on national day, only to sigh in dismay as i snapped back into reality. GRR. half of me says screw prelims what is life if you're not enjoying it, but the other half of me juz cant seem to content wit tt argument. for now, im all for it :p who wants to watch lets go together :D

3) charlie and the chocolate factory!! highly recommended by cyan n dan! :)
4) shopping!!
5) Mac hotcakes : ) amazing how a "soft" comment made by clement during lit lecture today cld spiral into a craving lol. i looked at seok, n saw tt she was thinking the same thing too haha. too bad we arrived at macs too late for breakfast, where upon kb's request, we found out tt the hotcakes have been dumped down the bin. owell.

ok enough sitting, waiting and wishing. bear wit it for another... 3 weeks?! o_0 for now i'll just watch fishes swim around. if it had therapeutic effects on ms yue, it wld work on me too. thing is, all i have is my sister's fighting fish that does not move an inch in his plastic container which is his home. so much for therapeutic fishes.

only hope

Theres one thing I know
The blues he sends to meet me wont defeat me
It wont be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep falling on my head
But that doesnt mean my eyes will soon be turnin red
Cryings not for me
Cause Im never gonna stop the rain by complainin
Because Im free
Nothing's worrying me : )

such a happy song. summertime no-worries song : ) i wont worry my life away. lifes too short to live each day twice. therefore, do not worry about tmr. for tmr will worry about itself!

i do remember. the laughter, the joy, and the connection. seeing you brought back memories. but they're juz memories now. things turned out the way they have, n it isnt in our power to change em. life goes on. lets face it with a smile alright? : ) a cheerful heart is gd medicine, but the broken spirit dries up the bones

the morning rain seems to have washed away my worries, along wit fears and troubles tt i have been preoccupied wit. cleared up my mind enough to cram in the law of marginal utility, alongside plunging waves and longshore drift, even some maclaurin's series. im satisfied, but this race isnt over. it has barely begun. but for now im giving myself a pat on the back, have a break, have a go at ur newly polished&tuned piano! : )

It's a happy day, and i thank God for the weather
It's a happy day, and i'm living it for my God!
It's a happy day, and things are gonna get better,
Living each day in the promises of God's word

our pw song! lol brings back so much memories. fond or otherwise :p

this love

turbulences. waves that keep crashing over me this week. again n again. battering me. this tree standing in the middle of the sea isnt gonna b able to take it anymore. one of these days, this tree is gonna b uprooted. when that day comes, all thats gonna b left will b mere memories.

A solitary rose grew in the darkest corner of the garden
Surrounded by many others
Yet remained alone

Time passed and trials came and went
One dealt a severe blow
And the rose began to wilt and wither.

this is tougher than i thought.

focus. concentration. determination. three easy-to-say, hard-to-apply formulas that do not add up to what ive been giving. its hard to find smiles and enthusiasm while u're struggling wit exhaustion, fluctuating emotions, and excruciating pressure. try, try, try again. i need something to hold on to. to cling on for dear life. cant seem to find it. maybe cuz there isnt such a thing.

i glance over my shoulder, only to see the warm temptation of snuggling up cozy into bed, with the gentle reassurance of being embraced in the arms of dreamland. keyword here is: temptation. argh.

chamber today was.. a rehearsal for national day. dont think it went too fantastic, tho i did observe how unjoyful our music sounded as we sawed away "joyful, joyful, we adore thee", in sync with an opera singer in the background. but the national day songs sounded pretty gd : ) cheesy lyrics, but sounding happy cheerful n most importantly, joyful. yayy

ive made up my mind. the first thing im gonna do when prelims r over (which will b in approximately a MONTH o_0), is shopping and brownies. shopping&brownies. shopping&brownies. maybe thats wad i'll cling on to for now. : )

If we need it this could be the end
Of feeling crazy
The end of feeling sad

go muggers! we can do it : )

batter my heart three-personed God

"The setting sun, and music at the close,
As the last taste of sweets, is sweetest last,
Writ in remembrance more than things long past."

three rather busy days juz whizzed past in a whirl. time well spent? well, probably. but somehow i cant recall the tangible elements of the days.. juz that in the past few days, ive been feeling rather lighthearted; living the life of Riley : )

yesterday's scholarship convention got me pretty psyched about college, as images of university life in the USA flash past in the powerpoint presentation. it has been somewhat a childhood dream to live and study in in the USA, part and parcel of the westernization that is consequential to globalization. and then i start to ponder if i rly want to disconnect myself frm a familiar community that i have invested my whole life in; departing to an alien world wit no one to turn to, forced into utmost independence and maturity. faced with the internal contention which i have yet to find answers to, i place everything into God's hands, upholding the faith that i will go to wherever He wants me to go.

so anyways~ back to the convention, i was rather disappointed to find limited booths that offer scholarships participating. out of the minimal few that were attainable and present, was the SAF scholarship. yet, i was dismayed to find out that the scholarship involved a 6 year bond to the army, including 3 months BMT (with guys) and more army training that did not exclude jungle trekking n weapons handling. *gasp* but come to think of it, it may b a viable option considering my heart prob that will render me unfit for rigorous physical training. i may juz be posted to admin work in the army. but idk if they'll b as stupid as to leave that loophole in the system unexposed and uncovered.. *fingers crossed*

"You are what happened when I wished upon a star."