speechless

why is it i feel the way i do? i cant explain this feeling thats running through me. a feeling of incomplete. like theres something missing.

but what's missing? i cant place it. idk why i dont feel peace within me. its as if i need reassurance. but reassurance from whom? frm what? i cant explain.

sometimes i wonder, if i ever made a difference to someone else's life. if the words i say, the things i do, ever made someone else smile. i ponder about the friendships i have made. the bonds im so afraid to break.

idk why im thinking the things i am now. maybe it's cuz i finally have some time to take a breather, tt my brain starts functioning normally instead of trying to suck up statistics, math formulas, and literary quotes. and then i feel fear. the fear of what's ahead. of what's going to happen. of changes.

after leading a sheltered life and well-trodden path of life, suddenly, we're slammed with responsibilities, choices, and crossroads. the point of no return. this little boat is afraid of leaving its dock, after dreaming forever of being outward bound. it aint so easy when u're face to face with danger itself.

my mind's a mess. i start to ponder about the dumbest question on earth. what makes me happy? what is happiness all about? im not one to believe in the philosophical crap that our society's loaded us with. and yet, when ur mind's trapped in the eye of a whirlwind, you start to ponder about MANY things.

i feel.. confused. for the lack of a better synonym. maybe a little more fear than anticipation. somehow, i just feel like im out of it. withdrawn into my own little world. i guess it happens sometimes huh?

i feel like i wanna cry. thing is, i wouldnt kno wat i would be crying about.