everything to me

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling

choices. decisions. many of which cannot be decided even with the genius help of a deciding dice. because there just doesnt seem to be simple yes or no answers to these unanswered questions. decisions about life, about the next steps to take; the directions to head towards. sure you could do a cost-benefit analysis with it. weigh the pros and cons. but there are no right answers; no model answer scheme to refer to and correct yourself; no erasing what you've chosen and re-doing it all again.

ive always thought i knew exactly what i wanted. ive always wanted to be a doctor, and ive always wanted to study in the US. of course, the doctor part of it was pretty shattered when i was rejected for a full bio course in high school. i convinced myself to turn against doctors lol to get over the disappointment then. but when it comes to fulfilling my second dream, i hesitate, with trepidation. ive dreamed of being outward bound all this time, and now i wonder if that's what i really want. if that's what God really wants for me.

maybe im just scared. scared of stepping out of this cozy community; my safety catch that i know i can fall back on anytime. suddenly, there seems to be so many things holding me back frm pursuing an overseas education. i read about the goods, and hear about the bads, and then i see my internal contention. it's never easy, and i often admire those who know exactly what they want and go for it. unfortunately for me, i often second-guess my decisions, for the ultimate fear of regret. i often wonder, too, if my choices are pleasing to God's eyes. if im walking down the path that He has set me out to.

questions, doubts, and more dubiety. everybody goes thru em. i guess ive put mine away, and pretended they didnt exist haha. it prolly helps to have classmates who are pretty goal-oriented and focused. helps me to snap out of my laid-back, take-things-as-they-come self and start thinking about the near future.

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

it so happens that this song was playing as i was typing the post. everything in its time. perhaps its beautiful lyrics serve more than a singular purpose :p

class party was pretty fun : ) it doesnt hurt to have majority girls in the class hehe. as expected, we had another chick flick fest in hanyang's more than comfy tv room. all those tear-jerkers got my eyes rly poofy after that. beauty and the beast seem so much more romantic as i watch it now compared to when i watched it years ago, and funnier too, with ms yim's sing-a-long to its songs haha : ) love actually is just, the BEST romance movie ever. and mel baked her famous brownies woohoo saved me frm a trip to daily scoops cuz hers taste just as nice! yay : )

Baby, fly away...