romantic cellphone

sometimes, when ur cellphone is over-buzzing with activity, it aint romantic anymore. esp when you think of the bill thats gonna come at the end of the month, complete with overtime charges and smses, and how much of my pay's gonna go into paying for it. BOO.

epiphany of the day:
You had me believing
You had me believing in a lie
Guess I couldn't see it till I saw goodbye


ytd's forfeit charades for strings party was temper tantrum. so, we did get the word "tantrum" across to the supposedly ignorant guys. but temper was just impossible to bring to life. and i think, sometimes, that ive lost my ability to bring temper to life as well. i cant seem to feel anger, even when i should. it wld be so much easier if all those pented up emotions could be channeled into temper. instead of sadness.

sigh. i hate zouk on mambo nights too. crowded, smoky, and.. crowded. but it was the friends who made it fun (:

ive been busting my ezlink traveling around s'pore this month. esp when we go around doing starhub roadshows. parkway parade today ended up with another late night talk and discovering how 7-eleven provides both good instant foods and alcohol (: PLUS, a winnie-the-pooh keychain! haha.

God takes, but He gives more than He takes (:


life. its about making choices..

keep on moving

Get on up
When you're down, baby,
Take a good look around..

well. God gives and God takes right? so, while He has taken, He has also given me an angel in disguise. or rather, just angels. and i know that things will be ok, because He is with me.

and when all fails, retail therapy is always the answer. so, mac and i blew off work ytd to go shopping (: we covered almost the entire orchard in the whole day, with mouth-watering sales and a relatively small crowd. i realized how easy guys have it when it comes to shopping. almost all of men's t-shirts and jeans were on 50% sale. and what else do guys wear besides tshirts and jeans? whereas on the other hand, girls who have the wide variety of blouses, tanks, and whathaveyous suffer the uneven 30% discounts. and theres way less material used in making those tops too. gender inequality haha :p

class party after made me miss AHRed a lot too ): tis the time of the year for reflections, and thats exactly what we did haha. got lots of catching up to do! :p


I woke up today with this feeling.
Better things are coming my way...

when the world around me crumbles, He will be strong. i know He will.



pls help me be strong as well...

my paper heart

so.. he was wrong. the sky did rain after all. well, but not till i got home (: i was strong enough to stop the rain from falling till i was in the vicinity of my own playground. but just not strong enough to stop the rain from falling altogether.

i guess i saw it coming. it was right in my face. just that having it confirmed was like having mud slammed into my face, suffocating me. thank god i had friends around to clear off some of that mud. so i can breathe once again.







i had a great time guys (: i love you all!! its amazing how we click even though we havent spent much time together. its truly wonderful how we stay so close despite being so different. and its crazy how hard we laugh just attempting to take neoprints, esp when sara whips out her gigantic canon camera as we step into the neoprint booth, defeating the purpose of neoprints altogether haha.

true friends are everlasting. and i am blessed with many true friends. just that sometimes its sad to remember.. how even best friends can fade away in time. i guess ive lost not one, but two best friends, who meant alot to me. time will pass, wounds will heal. life goes on.

i take comfort knowing Jesus is my best friend. knowing He'll never leave me for another. knowing that He's always there for me. im holding on to the everlasting Jesus. He'll never hurt me - that's for sure.


and she wishes today, was one year ago
you cared so much for her, loved her so
not a doubt in her mind that it would still be you
that the love that you shared, its true..

when you know

one of the main reasons i absolutely adore christmas.. is the FOOD. and that was our main attraction at family christmas feast today, complete with turkey, ham & bacon, crepes, spagetti, mashed potatoes, and more. from starved to stuffed. its prolly the only time you see SO much food on the table at once, and so many people at the table gathering that two long tables had to be connected to fit all of us! (:

and like a gd christian family celebrating christmas, we jammed and sang carols and songs. in parts (: music rly runs in the family haha. and its also music that binds the family.

so this christmas was a little diff from the other years. no midnight walks through the crowded streets of orchard, no camping out at abel's till the wee hours of the morning, no performing in the christmas celebrations in church.. but it was fun in its own way (: ironically, just before midnight of christmas, we struggled with the decision between clubbing, or going to crash melody's church with abel. no prizes for the final call haha.

so, just like that, in 4 hours time, christmas will be over. and in another 6 hours time, my family will be boarding a plane to their 12-day vacation without me. again. due to unforeseen circumstances. sigh. well, on the brighter side, 12 days of having the house all to myself (:


theres still so many things i wish to say to you
but i just cant find the words to say
unanswered questions where only you have the answer
but i just dont dare to find out...

santa are you listening..

what if.

what if im falling for you.

what if im falling for you. for the wrong reasons.

And all I want is one thing,
Tell me my true love is here
He's all I want, just for me
Underneath my Christmas tree



santa that's my only wish this year..

all i want for christmas is you..

i thank god for how things fall into place. like a jigsaw puzzle - piece by piece, bit by bit, the genius work of a creative mastermind from above. remembering the days where things always seemed to work out because i had my lucky star. maybe ive found that star once again.

just some reflections on the eve of christmas eve. merry christmas everybody! (:

dont cha

back from fun camp (: managed about prolly less than 10 hours of sleep in the past 3 days im typing this with my eyes half closed while waiting for my hair to dry so i can.. SLEEP before i go for work later.




thats aaron sleeping with chips to cover his open mouth, and a bunch of us with the birthday girl and boy - happy birthday celine & evynn! (: haha girl you're finally as old as me!! lol but i'll be older than you again in about.. half a month's time lolol :p

so after the war games, late night talks, beach & pool fun, card games, bbq, mahjong and movies, there were lessons learnt, as well as new friendships forged and deepened (: definitely a fun time of bonding and learning more about each other even through the dumbest games (truth or dare), and growing and maturing when we learn to handle glitches that occur along the way.

im happy (:

aight. now. i. just. need. sleep. out.

live for today

first day of work. check.

late for first day of work. check. -glares at mac menacingly-

it was an experience for me. saw quite alotta things, learnt a lot more things, but as a noob, i closed a grand total of zero sales today. boo. tmr will be a better day (: but i thank god for a really nice and cool team leader, and fun team members to work with. got to know quite a few people in the team through night canvasing, most of them with crazy NS stories to tell haha.

church camp tmr (: yayy cant wait! but - i havent packed, nor finished my essays, nor signed up for relief teaching at schs, nor settled work schedules, nor caught up on much-needed sleep. sigh. however, i cldnt resist a fun quiz from seok's blog haha that had these two interesting segments..

Your views on education:
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

which are quite true. haha. esp when most people have never heard of the occupation that i wanna be in. music therapist (:

SATs scores are out. i did surprisingly.. ok, considering i spent one day attempting to study it at benedict's house while my family was still holidaying away in HK. nothing too fantastic, but i guess im satisfied because its God's grace i didnt do even worse when i put in that little effort.

aight anyway too tired to think anymore.. out.

o christmas tree

"mama always said, life is like a box of chocolates. you never know what you're gonna get" - forrest gump


i would say, dark chocolate. for today. bitter and sweet all in one, only appreciated if you can overcome the initial bitter, and taste the overall sweetness of such deep chocolate.

many thoughts ran through my mind today. its amazing how much ur mind wanders, while you stand on stage, with countless spotlights heating up your face in front of prolly hundreds of orchard-visitors, singing christmas carols which lyrics have already automatically been stored in my brain. i saw many familiar faces in the crowd; some too familiar, while some whom i merely knew existed in school. but from the stage, they kinda just blur into a whirl, just as my mind was.

i liked our performance at the christmas tree better (: its really reassuring to see people rly moved by the music and words, and their faces shine with hope and anticipation, even for that very short 40 min. and its ever so amazing that we even get the opportunity to spread the gospel of Christmas so openly in the streets of orchard. its truly God's grace (: thanks to all who came down too (:

the price to pay: energy. i havent felt to zapped of energy for a while. been juggling many things at once - i hope i dont drop and break anything. haha. but yet i dont wanna lie in bed awake. an idle mind is a dangerous mind. sighh..



all the hope she once had.. so unreal

welcome to my truth

so. i finally got a job. working with mac as.. starhub promoters. ok, its a start. the pay's really attractive, and yet highly dependent on commission and incentives. so, anyone wanna help with my wages, please look for me and suscribe to maxonline and/or cable tv (: i'd love you to bits.

sob i am so aching from badminton with the strings guys ytd. butt aches made walking throughout town today so painful, esp when we practically went to almost all the places in town sigh. but i was rather amused and pleased when mac unleashed his skills in the catch-the-cuddly-toys-with-tongs machine in the arcade, and caught the chip'n'dale toy with just two tries! (: i didnt realize catching soft toys could be that exciting until today hehe. celine i can understand how u feel now! haha

tonight was also the first time we had so many people successfully turning up for dinner and outing! (: with the 87ers and many extra guys (hehe sorry! :p). the christmas decos are so pretty in orchard, plus the many performances put up along the road, there was a whole christmasy feeling - totally the right way to get into christmas mode (: i lovelovelove christmas!

ok im so tired right now. job training officially starts tmr (: hope i keep up the drive after i find out how tough it can be haha.

time of our lives

watching the red violin has gotten me very inspired to blow the dust off my violin, and start playing again. i guess nothing can really replace the magic of making music, and i just miss the weekly attempts we have (called string rehearsals) to make classical music sound nice, despite the many failed attempts :p

and today. my lucky charm re-surfaced in the form of macarthur. haha. ok, so we missed a job interview, but we were offered 2 free ticks to kingkong immediately upon our arrival at PS. hail safra, or safra ticket-givers who thought he was in NS or something. whatever it was, a free 3+ hour show was definitely well appreciated (: tho the money saved on that was prolly spent on the rip-offs of midnight surcharges grr.

ohohoh and i finally got cable tv too! (: here comes my flow of cartoons (yayy), movies, and home entertainment. one tv-addict coming right up! (:


and she said, yes, i am free...

all the small things

God gives, and God takes. i guess there isnt a need to ask why, because in faith, He makes all things beautiful in His time. now when i come to think about it, i realized that He's given me many, many things, although He has also taken. what He has taken away, is nothing compared to the love and friendship that He has given me. thanks for reminding me of God's abundant love (:

And it's someplace simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And thats faith and trust and peace while we're alive..

"Sadness flies away on the wings of time.." and is replaced, by none other than, JOY (:

getting a headstart on my chem conquest. so far so good, but i foresee information explosion to come when inorganic and kinetic chem begins haha. but i will survive! thanks zhic for the crash course (:


"Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go"

chinese

今天一大清早，kenneth 教我怎样用华语 type，因为我在等一个很懒的人起床. type 华文原来是这么容易，也很好玩。所以，我们就用华语在 MSN 上 chat, 可是我已经忘了很多话文字，所以看起来就像这个 post 一样 pathetic.

questions with no answers

ive landed myself in more questions with no answers. or at least, those which answers have not YET been found. including my latest chem craze - attempting to cram the entire chem syllabus into my small brain for SATs in a month's time. woohoo. NOT fun at all. after flipping thru the thick books of alien knowledge which ive just received, i think i shld claim overwhelming insanity.

grr. i must fight on. in the meantime, any chem help is graciously embraced (: and i mean ANY. this is wayy harder than i thought.

i feel so lazy and heck-care about everything. which really isnt gd. esp when im sposed to be preparing to go out now, but im really too tired and sleepy. ohoh and on a random note, ive found many people who're involved in CCIS (celebrate christmas in s'pore) as well! (: awesome. orchard's gonna be so beautifully decorated and lively with all the performances being put up, with caroling, dances, musicals, skits.. (: God's grace. caroling rehearsals have been pretty fun too, albeit tiring, just that it still feels a lil weird when my name seems to appear everywhere in the songs (joyjoyjoy!), tho i should be used to it by now.

here're some random snapshots of our hk trip to end off a very random post..



i just want to know the truth, beneath those broken promises...

-

sometimes i just wonder. why God wld take away something that meant so much to me. something that i gave thanks everyday for. God must have his reasons. those that transcend my understanding and comprehension, because it just doesnt seem to make sense. i pray for acceptance, but many a times i cant help feeling sad about it; i pray for strength, but many a times i feel so weak.

Sentimental days
In a mist of clouded haze
Of a memory that now feels untrue

but i truly thank god for those around me. who're ready to lend me an arm or shoulder to lean on. who've wrote me letters in sharing. who've called just to check up on me. who've been there for me. i love you guys (:

Tangled in a web
With a pain hard to forget
That was a time that I've now put to rest

when things are down, the only way they can go is up. so hopefully things will turn for a better soon (:



remember how you used to say
i'd be the one to run away
but i'm still here

when god made you

"Oh I wonder what god was thinking, when he created you.
I wonder if he knew everything I would need,
Because he made all my dreams come true.
When god made you, he must have been thinking about me.. "

a really really beautiful song. thanks marc for sending it to me (: never knew u were a romantic sorta guy haha (JUST KIDDING). but it really lifted my spirits. i guess good things cant happen all the time. there will be moments of sadness, times of dejection and hopelesseness. and when they do, i pray for the strength to pick myself up together and fight on. to move on to each new brighter day, and to hold on to happy memories. its prolly stuff like these that makes me appreciate what i have even more, esp the people around me.

always look on the bright side of life... (:

anyhow. HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY JASON! sorry i cldnt stay for the entire party. oh and you're officially an adult now!! haha so act like one! :p lol just kidding. hope you had fun! (:

my wisdom tooth's growing. now i know how i felt when i was a baby and growing teeth. in constant pain!! sobs. but maybe now i'll be wiser and my worldclass small teeth wont seem so small anymore... hehehe (:

i wonder what god is thinking...

tong hua!!

the best music needs not be from those who are well known. i just heard the nicest version of tong hua, sang by a blind busker and accompanied by his acoustic at the MRT station (: needless to say, many hearts were melted that evening. including mine (:

Chances are I'll see you
In my dreams tonight
You'll be smiling like the night we met
Chances are I'll hold you and I'll offer all i have..

made another trip to ritz carlton today (: to relive prom memories. HAHA. NOT. went there to take pics with lide for HC prom, and when he walked up, celine and i saw a HOTTIE with funky hair! woohoo. hahaha im serious lide you better send me sideview pics of your hair i forgot to take em just now! :p

another interesting encounter awaited shai and i after that, when we crashed olio dome for dinner just to visit waitress seok at her first day of work! haha (: omg everything was so expensive we decided to just have potatoes (in the form of wedges & fries) for dinner. shai did his fair share to irritate seok, while i just kept laughing haha oops :p

i still cant find my own job ): it feels like im not doing something productive and purposeful. an aimless wanderer who's having fun but ultimately not headed anywhere. and theres gonna be at least 8 more months till school starts again. i need to find some purpose in life!!


and she said, theres a time to forget, and the time is now...

of glitz and memories

prom night. that, which started with a big hoohaa of high-strung nerves and accentuated stress level when murphy's law enacted itself, also ended with a big hoohaa of crazy dancing and drinking at club momo.

before that, pictures which encapsulate the prim-and-properness of dinner at ritz, where food was left untouched as much as programs left unviewed.

that of the girls..





and the boys..



it was also a night of 'dingdings' and 'dingding wannabes' haha, in physical form or in memory. anyhow, it concluded with singing and walking through the streets of china town at 5am, and camping out in the hotel lounge because we didnt want to wake ms yim up at 6am, until the hotel operator called her by accident, solving all of our problems immediately.

but a truly memorable experience with a class that's unique in all ways.




and the reason is you..

sisterhood of the traveling jeans

In the dark
Moving hands to find my way
Reaching for a chance
And the words to say

And here I go
Letting go
Just to never let you go
I'm so scared to feel safe

a truly touching movie. about love, life, and loss. got me thinking about something that ive been brooding about for some time. that, perhaps im seeking that for the wrong reasons entirely. to make me forget the lows of the past, and dwell in the highs of the present/future.

maybe, that just isnt the way to go.

turn left turn right

"阴天傍晚车窗外未来有一个人在等待
向作向右向前看爱要拐几个弯才来.."


awww so cute..

i realized how much i missed strings after hearing the familiar wafts of rutter floating by my window, courtesy of my practicing neighbor and his violin. guess there has always been something magical about music, no matter how much a piece was overplayed and no matter how dreaded practices were. the beauty of music always supercedes, etched firmly as a pleasant recollection; always a part of me.

aside from the hectics of each day, like the longest exam i ever took (SATs), and the constant shopping, and friends, ive been doing some reading on my own (: got hooked on "the hobbit" after i re-discovered it, and made me rly crave for LOTR again! grr i havent even watched the last movie -.- someone lend it to me pls!! ):

still havent found my dream job yet. but ive got my dress! (: with a stroke of luck and a whole truckful of God's grace i found it just as i was about to give up haha. feels like a whole load taken off my shoulders. was gettin a lil heavy back there!

"我遇见你是最美丽的意外
总有一天我的谜底会解开.."

dinner with the guys was rather interesting. and romantic! i love bishan park haha. scratch that. i love parks! and for once, no dota talk! o.m.g so proud of em (: dinner also included free delicious tiramisu desert. lovelovelove. i wanna learn how to make tiramisu! wee~ *drools*


i wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides..

SATs words

i am credulous.

i am gullible.

i am fleeceable.

i am trusting.


so many diff words to mean the same thing. english is truly an expressive language. just that it sucks to have to be studying after As >.<

i really need to:
1) get a job. hopefully at starbucks! (:
2) buy my prom dress!!
3) get rid of SATs
4) catch up with long lost friends!! (:
5) sleep

anybody wanna hire me?? i promise to be hardworking, expeditious, zealous, gumptious, joyful and cheerful everyday! (: hehe all my SAT words rolled up in one

gonna attempt to finish studying SATs in just one day. gd luck to me. sigh.

get up

im sneezing every half a min or so. and the routine has been repeating itself for the past hours. sam said that when you sneeze, it means someone's thinking about you. so somebody out there must be thinking rly hard of me!! (: yeah right. guess im staring mr flu right in the face. again. ohno.

And I fly
I reach out my hands and touch the sky

sleepover at mel's was fun (: great time of bonding and alot more sharing among us couch potatoes. hehehe. realized we havent seen many of our classmates since prelims and through As. n its juz kinda sad knowing that there will be friends who will drift apart as JC comes to a close, and we part our own ways seeking individual dreams and ambitions. already feeling "unstudent" as iris puts it as we are now, and its a rather scary feeling for me, to be leading purposeless lives, "bumming around" for the next.. 7-8 months not knowing what's gonna come next and where we're gonna end up.

i guess it helps knowing Daddy has His plans for me. and i just gotta trust in Him to set the direction in my life. Daddy's driving this ride (:

i wanna go back to disneyland... ): it was rly awesome feels as if you step into a magical world of fantasy because of the buildings and people and parades. fireworks at sleeping beauty castle at night was so beautiful, and it was coupled with disney fairy tale music plus laser displays. pictures coming up soon! (: it was hell of an experience (:


I am moving through the crowd
Trying to find myself
Feel like a guitar that's never played
Will someone strum away?

nomad

so many things have happened in so few days. its pretty amazing.


im backk now (:

today

life! horoscopes

capricorn
"you can absolutely trust the promises made to you now, even if they arrive from far away. You will be just as adamant about keeping your own word too. Respect and responsibility are in the air"

YEA RIGHT.

horoscopes should always be taken with a pinch of salt. correction. a very large handful of salt. because sometimes, the opposite just may happen.

china black was fun. and crowded too. dancedancedance the night away.

leaving on a jet plane tmr. dont know when i'll be back again.. hah i wish. one day im gonna take a one way trip. and start all over again. with a fresh clean slate. till then, i know im gonna LOVE shopping & disney land in hongkong, and thats all im gonna care about till the end of time.

good bye good night

gdbye!!

its over. i repeat. As are over.

*YAYYYYYY!!!!*

although it definitely wasnt as dramatic as i'd imagined. for one, raj didnt burst into tears as he said he wld. and kevin didnt tear apart his uniform as he said he wld. and i didnt scream for JOY as i predicted i wld.

i blame that LOUSY e4 paper that killed part of the joy. in more ways than one. we got the weirdest paper ever, and i feel rly cheated, reading and digesting all those grotesque and gruesome explicit images of death and suffering in war for nothing. grr. now i understand wad mel means when she says she feels like shes bursting with info to tell, and no one to tell it to..

anyhow. its OVERRRR!! (:(:(:

upon which guys clambered immediately into dota outlets, while girls flocked off to begin well deserved retail therapy. (: funfunfun. i think we prolly walked more than 10 clicks todayy.. including the rounds we made after getting lost in little india because every street looked the same =p

i cant wait for xmas (:(:



i am strong when i am on your shoulders
you raise me up to more than i can be..

crossroads

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things





such a cute picture. ive entered a rly christmasy mood ever since we've bought a whole new christmas tree and taken the effort to put it together to surprise my dad on his return home. that was complete with half a dozen cute litte decorative snowmen and santes which hung off the branches of the christmas tree, just slightly out of reach of my dog's curious jaw, much to its great dismay.

i forget, many times a day, that my As have NOT ended..

harry potter, contrary to much of negative feedback ive heard, was pretty gd in my opinion. guess thats because i didnt read the book. (major oops) except dumbledore's role was more than comfortably warped to fit an agitated or excited (depending on situation) headmaster rather than a calm, wise and collected mentor. that was a big no-no, but other than that, thumbs up (:

When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad

selfish love versus selfless love. something that im struggling with. and God reminded me today, of how He gave so freely for us; so selflessly and unconditionally. theres much for me to learn, and i felt so humbled in His presence, for my weaknesses seem so magnified in Him, and yet i know that He'll be there to bring me through it all.

but for all that you've done. thank you (:


Lord i give You my heart
I give You my soul..

story of a fine day

"If you live to be 100, I want to live to be 100 minus one day,
so I never have to live without you" - Winnie the Pooh



The moon has come in
So the tides are out
letting the soft sand sink beneath our feet...


As I look at the beauty all around me
Moreover, in the warm summer breeze
I remember how love found me
When I was feeling lonely and blue
The emptiness like leaves falling and
Floating off in the autumn wind

feel good inc

Your Summer Ride is a Mustang Convertible

You're out to experience the very best of summer. From the best beaches to the best tan, you want it all!

What's Your Summer Ride?

YEA BABY.

my dream car (:

it feels a lil weird to be in front of time again now. haha. the past few days of non-stop studying, constant rush for time, poring over countless readings.. have finally come to a stop! (: not that As are over, but its all downhil from here. -PHEW- after the last 17 pages of words today (yea i counted!), i think i never ever EVER wanna touch geog essays again. -PHEW- which explains why the first thing i did when i got home, was to throw away my geog notes instead of catching up on lost sleep. hahaha.

gosh im so excited bout next week. (: cantwaitcantwaitcantwait. taste of sweet sweet liberty. finally! (:

a few quizzes for fun laughter peace and joy..

You are Milk Chocolate

A total dreamer, you spend most of your time with your head in the clouds. You often think of the future, and you are always working toward your ideal life. Also nostelgic, you rarely forget a meaningful moment... even those from long ago.

What Kind of Chocolate Are You?

You Are a Daisy

You see the world with an artist's eye. Finding beauty is easy for you - even in the dullest of moments. You notice all of the colors of the world, from fresh grass to sunsets. You are a total optimist and hedonist. You love to drink life in.

What Flower Are You?

if i could have one dance forever...

half-life

running a little out of breath in this race for time. trying to squeeze everything into my tiny brain in the quickly evaporating time. attempting to fill as many pages with 'words' that seem to blur into a curvy line after the 3rd page. and yet it never seems enough when "pens down!" is announced. hurry, hurry, joy.

ive been plagued with a mysterious dizzy spell for the past few days as well. must be from all that -nudging- lol. self-nudging that occurs when i look at my mountain sets of geog notes, reminding myself that i'll prolly need full marks for my next geog paper to secure an A after the first screwed up paper.

suddenly 24th nov seem way too far away. waywayway. times infinity. plus 100.

thou shalt not compare with others...

ok so i'll have more days than the others to be considered a student of ACJC (:


because You're the one who'll lift me up
because You're the one who'll bring me through it all

once again..

Everybody wants to be loved
every once in a while
we all need someone to hold on to
just like a helpless child..


this is way harder than i thought it would be. somehow i imagined that it would all work out fine, the way it always does. the papers so far have not been too encouraging or uplifting in any way. i cant help worrying, tho i know that doesnt go a long way. then, glancing at my entry proof.. realizing that all papers are major writing papers next week.. *she turns and runs to hide in bed*

You are strong when i am weak..

-breathe in breathe out -

tomorrow's a brand new day. 2 days to finish econsliteraturehumangeog. in one go. if at first you dont succeed, try, try again. it wont be so hard if i werent this tired.

I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all





and he looked at the scarlet little puncture, as if he would like to kiss it and make it well..

a little sound and a great dream

she was dancing to wondrous music, and her partner was the man in silver armor...

no more math till the end of time! (: tho i highly suspect that these moderate ranged math papers will reside towards the "easier" bunch of papers among this year's killer papers. sigh.

almost halfway there to 24th (: studying can be fun and interesting in a way, esp when it comes to lit. but its just about time where saturation point is breached. -warning alarm -

~ Sometimes it feels that life has no meaning,
But all things will be alright in the end ~






and his figure fell into fragments like a pack of cards...

dream to dream

so a package arrived for me this morning. a pleasant surprise since packages dont come on an everyday basis. and hidden under thick layers of wrappings and paper shreddings.. was this japanese doll. which instantly reminded me of the doll i saw at hiro's house ytd. that, and its uncanny resemblance to the dolls used in japanese horror movies. hehe.

but thanks anyways. it was sweet (: an exotic change.


There is a star
Waiting to guide us
Shining inside us
When we close our eyes

how will i know..

how will i know if i let you go...

guess i will never find out.

"i can do all through Christ who strengthens me"

theres been ups and downs. esp this week when my family's not around. but thanks to the lot who've been my safety net. the people who have been strong when i am weak. the people who've cared bout how my day went each day. even tho my days sound exactly the same each time they ask. the people who always manage to turn up whenever im feeling down, and make me feel so much better (:

the Lord provides. He does.

when the world around you crumbles, He will be strong..

every beat of your heart

So here we stand
Anchored in hope
Letting the rain wash away every fear
Stars in the sky
Twinkle and shine
I pray they won't disappear


do your best and let God do the rest..

pray pray pray with eyes tightly closed. with faith. we will. we must.


3 more days.


please let it be enough..

h-e-l-p

and once again im thinking about taking the easy way out..



what would i do without you... thnx (:

be my escape

it is rather interesting to read the various random scribblings and scrawls (by myself or otherwise) imprinted in pencil on the otherwise most boring set of lecture notes ever. these harmless doodlings summon not only the countless memories, but sometimes, also the waves of sadness, or childish glee that accompanies these recollections. and these notes, as much as i wld like to rid them asap, wld also carry with them a sentimentality that cannot be replaced otherwise. in a way, they track what ive been going through.. esp for a person who loves to doodle (:

and with that, is the completion of my act in indulging in a teeny bit of dalliance to clear my head.

back to the most boring set of notes ever.





Since you've been gone I've learned to stop..

i wonder why..

garrrghhh why is it that i cant visualize 3D trigo?!

even after the full employment of my rulers, pencils, calculators, hands, toes, everything in a futile attempt to illustrate a 3D version of whats printed in the math paper... i still cant see angle BOP.

GRR. this is so frustrating. i can visualize everything. EXCEPT 3D trigo.

weekends arent very productive. my brain's self-declared break. shut-down point.

all i've learnt today.. is that tweety bird is actually a guy.

politics of life

"a blaze of love.. and extinction"

maybe there juz isnt such things as the "lantern glimmer of the same". not yet at least. soon, soon. it will come in due time.

two delightful surprises streamed in merrily today. one came in the form of the approval for my relief teaching in primary schs (: at least im halfway through landing myself in a job after As.

the second delightful surprise laid in my marked war lit essay today. my first A+ in JC lit class. a little late, but better late than never (:

sad to say, that doesnt apply to the rest of my subjects.

soon, soon. it will come in due time..







time heals all wounds...

im praying for you brother..

balancing on a tightrope

i ordered mac delivery for mac today at my place. hehe. and he had a macchicken. hehe..

ooh ooh its raining now.. cozy snuggling up in bed, wit a warm cup of milk.. and return of the native.


i must be strong, and carry on

my lovers

in times like these.. u start to wonder if 4 heavy arts subjects is possible. after i described my situation to edwin, he commented something along the lines of 'joy you're kinda screwed'. and i cant help but agree.

what with meeting college application datelines and applying for SATs and juggling geog lectures and the last week of lit consultations and lit mocks (which still dont turn out very well). what i truly need.. is time.

"when God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it". all i have now left.. is faith. and of course, my dear lovers below.. (:

was testing out my new cam.. and what better pics to take than my dears who have painted the smile on my face each day..


ginger!


absolutely the cutest disney totems on earth (:


ok not exactly my love.. but at least when im there, i know im studying (:


ok at least that was a no-brainer. there goes my 5 min break..


i guess it just isnt meant to be..

breaking

is it a mere indulgence in sentimentality that occur when i feel like im falling into pieces? knowing it'll be nice to have something to hold on to, something to hope for? or is this just another day that's gone by, grasping an intrigue thats rather ideal than real?

the "i-dont-know"s come too easy nowadays..

no im not depressed. freeze-and-melt was fun today (: in fact, theres something fun everyday - the friends and hubbing (: juz cant seem to find certain answers for certain questions sometimes.

only God knows i guess.

grace like rain

my favorite view in sch (: esp at night.

Once there was the sun
bright and warm and wonderful
shining like the love
within my heart

theres a tingling of excitement within me (: cant explain it. exam periods have its high too in a way. plus.. we're going for chapel tmr! yay (:


theres grace like rain that falls down on me..

captain's ball = life

thnx you all for giving me life! (: feels rly cozy playing wit so many diff pple each time after slogging off in the hub, and then recognizing the familiar grumble in our stomachs before rushing to join the dinner queue, keeping our fingers crossed that there'll still be food left for us hungry but happy people. and the best part is, girls still won guys hehehe (: at certain times.

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

now i have a dozen wonderwalls to bring me thru As! (: i lub choo all!

our quest for takopachi to satiate our mysterious craving after tuition today led josh n i in a trip around cck, concluding that two people with poor sense of direction will definitely spells geographical disaster. haha. at least we got to eat our takopachi in the end. and talk (: joy is a satisfied girl.

oh i found a rly convenient spot at the playground today, to juz lie down and watch the stars (: oooh. so it was juz perfect, me my dogs & my stars, until i realized i was talking to myself. or my dogs. or the air. uh-oh. not gd. getting a lil wonky frm all that studying. or the lack of!

):



maybe. just maybe..

counting the days

I know the sunshine has a meaning,
And nothing left can get in my way

i guess theres always a reason to smile despite everything. esp after girls thrashed guys at captain's ball ytd! (: heheh. funny how we get closer to so many other more people wit the late-night studyings in sch. (:

a bad math mock paper was made up faithfully by the magics of world-class fudge-covered brownies, topped off with irrevocably the best icecream from daily scoop! after one plate was immediately wolfed down btwn mac and i, there came the ultimate temptation to savor the chocolate again. in which, we succumbed to. ahh heavenly...

im hooked on chocolates!! gimme gimme more (:

"those who joyfully leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything". thnx for reminding me just what i needed to be reminded of. worry ends where faith begins! (:




get on up, when you're down BABY
take a good look around

im sorry i cant be perfect

to lose is to find. a few days ago, i experienced just that. the process of losing a material possession, but yet finding myself in the midst of it all. today demonstrated the 2nd segment of that phrase. to find is to lose. in God's most abundant grace i found that lost possession, but at the same time, i lost a part of the love, compassion & warmth that i wld expect in a place and person. all in a day's work.

im sorry, i just cant be perfect. i tried..

i cant please everyone. theres only so much i can do.

"the day when i cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul" - Psalms 138:3

i wanna sit by the bleachers again tonight. in the cool night air. with my friends, with the stars, with ourselves. i wanna immerse myself in that moment of tranquility once more. to feel like everything's gonna be alright. to make believe just one more time, that my lucky star will fall down from the sky again; to make believe that, my guardian angel's watching over me.



please my wings.. fly me away..

the happy and the sparkling

the girls. the people. the friends. the class.




through storms and fair weather. in merriment and in cheerlessness. through it all. the people who overcame, and came together as one at the end of it all.

the pictures tell a story. so till then, no more words.

the best is yet to be

as we go on, we remember
all the times we had together

a rly meaningful baccaleureate chapel service today to end off a very treasured and prominent two years of my life. twas a time of retrospection, reflection, and expression of affection by many. what the teachers did for us were truly moving, and their thoughtfulness touched alotta us to tears. the bacc & arts fac videos, the lil bracelets of light from ms yim, all the well-wishes.. the many tear-jerking moments which made today even more memorable & difficult to part with. i'll rly miss our little happy hut, even tho it still reeks of paint at times. a place which has been almost like a 2nd home, the NL12 where JC began, and also NL1 in which JC ends. ): i wish today would go on forever...



keep shining, keep smiling..

we too saw a whole new side to AHRed today. the wild and fun side of people (: a 4 hour kbox session turned into a 'clubbing' session, wit all of us getting drunk on pure adrenaline and iced lemon tea, going high wit our crazy dancing and jumping on the sofas, singing (and screaming) lyrics at the top of our lungs. it was prolly the most fun & high time ive had for a long while (: I LOVE YOU AHRED! *muack*

bringing myself back to the harsh reality, is the fact that As is promptly arriving in 26 days. time to get serious with studying. lets be little jackaloompas, bounding together to the last leg of this race! (:


to lose.. truly, is to find

fallen off the face of the earth..

i cld nv rly understand what that meant last time when people used that phrase. but now i finally get how that technically impossible task cld apply itself in so many other non-physical ways, that it truly merits such a saying. such as, the mutability of human nature. how a blink of the eye can change things beyond comprehension, or how fast a cup brimming with friendship & love could be emptied in juz a few seconds. i guess it only serves to emphasize how inferior our love is compared to God's perfect unconditional love. i take comfort knowing that God's love will always be abundant, and knowing that i will never turn away from His love.

Daddy's driving this ride..

we played "mini-squash" today (: a little modification that seok n i made to the game after our feeble futile & failed attempts at making our balls fly faster & create the "woosh" sound. the guys had their laugh at our expense, but it was way more effective & fun after the mod! (: hehehe. gotta do more pushups...

i love cartoons (: hehehe. cartoons for chapel are a great idea. too bad its our last chapel. -sob- im gonna miss it alot.. ):


Love is like a butterfly, hold it too tight, it'll crush, hold it too loose, it'll fly...

dont lose faith in me

Lord i give You my heart
i give You my soul..

fighting on. pressing forward. feeling rather burnt out. just a little tired, a little drained. just a little."whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable.. think about such things". thinking happy thots and reminiscing happy memories makes me feel better (:

studying "the return of the native" is abdominably painful. bring on the shakespearean plays, bring on the math formulas, bring on population policies.. just not Thomas Hardy. his themes & characters always seem to hit home. hit emotional base. its rly a love-hate relationship. i read in awe, but painful awe.

ouch.

go to the ant, you sluggard...

out and over.

more than words

the filming of arts fac video today (which we got abruptly dragged into) got me thinking of my life in arts fac; or more generally, my past 2 years in AC. and i was left with little words to say as i sat in front of the cam, because the whole experience has been, as cliche as it sounds, only more than words cld describe. you cant help feeling a wave of sadness wash over you, knowing that soon its gonna be goodbye. lets cherish the last 4 days of life in the arts fac, b4 it fades to become a treasured memory (:

and i will be still, and know You are God...

shades of gray

feels gd to be home early once in a while (: havent done that in a long while.

it even gave me time to cut my hair cuz i was rather grossed out by the fact that there were still parts of cherie's cake stuck in my hair even after i tried to wash it in sch. cake-smashing was fun, but the after-cleanup wasnt all that exciting. esp when it was all over our uniforms, hair, and face. but anyways~ happy birthday cherie!! haha baby chong's graduated frm kindergarten to pri sch hehehe (:

colorgenic's quiz. seok recommended. and i can see why. the horrifyingly to-the-point accurate assessment of mood kinda freaked me out. i cant tell if the results are gd or bad, but i totally agree with the need for games! too bad we cldnt play squash today ): boohoo

heres what colorgenics had to say..
"You have a vivid imagination and this is good. Great inventors, explorers all had inventive, imaginative minds. Your friends and acquaintances may consider you over-imaginative and given to fantasy or day-dreaming. So what? This is a part of your character and charm.

Being a likeable person you get on well with neighbors and friends. You don't need anything to 'Rock your boat'. You want to 'love' and to be loved'.

All the problems that you have been experiencing of late seem to have become a part of your life and there is little that can be done to change the situation. Your emotions run high - but even though you feel as if at times you are about to burst this situation will pass. Try to release your pent-up emotions by participating in some extra physical activities like running, swimming, whatever. There must be some favorite pastime, not necessarily strenuous, that can help you to relax.

The way things are, you feel that you are stuck in a rut and there is not much you can do about it. You feel frustrated and inhibited but if you can find a way to let yourself go, you may find that things aren't quite so bad as perhaps you thought they were. One consolation is that since you are an extremely emotional individual, with the right person you may be able to release some of that frustration and tension with some mutual tender loving care.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you"

tong hua

where princes & princesses live happily ever after. too bad thats a mere facade of the real world ):

doodling as a form of cleansing. i nv rly thought of that. a medium in which all emotions spill out in the forms of creative language. a few of us were "cleansed", with much gratitude due to the very clean blacks tables in LT4. how fun. i love doodling. maybe one day it'll b considered a form of art (:

They say that love can heal the broken
they say that hope can make you see

watched the guys kick each other's ass at the squash courts today. funfunfun! too bad i cldnt play in a skirt. hope we get to play tmr too! (: something to look forward to finally! yayay (: tmr will be a better day. with faith like a child!



this is my fairytale ending..

smile

"sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy"

keep smiling, keep shining. with tenacity, ruggedness of the soul & spirit, and power frm the Almighty Father, Joy will be strong and tough. drained, frm 4 whole hours dedicated to intellectual lit consultation, right after 2 hours of geog lectures straight out of sch. drained, yes, but ive also felt insurmountable gratitude and indebtedness for the arts teachers that ive nv felt in the entire time in AC. them who hung in there with us till near 9pm. thank you so much.

"I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection"

tho sometimes.. i juz wish.. i were one of those lucky science students who get the time to study and cram, or to be able to just take time off for a fun game of squash. with our schedules fully packed till a week after baccaleurate, it's a dubious and problematic assumption that we'll have any time at all for ourselves.

a rather cute quote i just heard off the radio about smiling. "smile - its the second best thing you can do with your lips". so heres a big wide smile (: keep smiling, keep shining!

the star is fall'n

"Bid that welcome which comes to punish us, and we punish it, seeming to bear it lightly" - Antony

a sleepy drowsy day, drunken with monday fatigue (as i term it) and lots of nonsense-sprouting frm a very tired and sleepy girl.

omg 30 days. i was still living in 20 days ago. how i wish time wld stop. wait up for mee!!

take me away

having a college med student in church can be rather interesting and.. informative. we've been fed with medical facts, bio terms, and many more, but nothing can beat what enquan shared today during combined cell grp sharing. he practically gave us a walk-through description of a gynecology exam, and his difficulties in finding women to practice the exam on that they have to hire women to test their exam skills on. o_0 frm what i gather the process doesnt rly seem all that pleasant to both the performer and performee. maybe it was a blessing in disguise that i didnt take bio after all haha

had a pretty gd talk wit lide ytd night and i rly thank God for such a friend (: my shoulders felt alot lighter after the talk (: thnx alot bro *hugs* screw the NS enlistment God will make a way!! (:

*sniff* i think ive caught a cold ): again. maybe thats y i have absolutely no mood to go out. all i wanna do is snuggle up cozy in bed under my quilt with ice-cream n chocolates and stay there forever. 60 more days!!

gd luck to all the promos-takings-or-attemptings! just do your best and let God do the rest (: as the "saying" goes.. easy peasy lemon squeezy!

happy childrens day!

a sincere greeting to all kids, both below 12, and over 12 (: afterall, we're all children at heart, and children of God!

worship seminar today was awesome. worship was led by sonic edge -gasp- and the speaker was robert brenner. he spoke about the fundamentals of worship and it was truly inspiring (: in more ways than one. felt a rly strong sense of peace during worship, and the whole seminar set my perspective about worship in place.

during worship i saw someone who looked like someone else. which got me rather puzzled. until i found out it was actually another someone else whom i knew. either i have a pretty vivid imagination, or alotta pple juz happen to look like someone else.

or maybe.. the meager 5 hours of sleep is catching up on me.

haha orchard was pretty empty today. i like (: why is it empty? because everyone is prolly studying their asses off while im attempting to finish my cheese fries. which just makes me doubly sinful ):

im still counting the stars...

a few stupid but funny quizzes ripped off frm mike's blog haha..

You Are 20% Boyish and 80% Girlish

Even if you're not a girl, you're very feminine. You're in touch with your feelings, and your heart rules you. A bit of a emotional roller coaster, one moment you're up and the next you're down. But no matter what, you try to be as cute and perky as possible.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

hmm. maybe.

Your Inner Child Is Surprised

You see many things through the eyes of a child. Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded. You cherish all of the details in life. Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things.

How Is Your Inner Child?

hehe cool. i am easily fascinated, but idk bout the rest. haha

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are secretly sensitive, but you often put up a front. Shy and private, you yearn for security. You take relationships slowly. You need lots of reassurances before you can trust.

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

hmm. quite true.

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy. You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts. People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused. But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

wahaha. true true. as i was saying about my imagination..

fortitudine vincimus

it means by endurance we conquer.

and we will (:

"if there ever comes a day
when we cant be together
keep me in your heart
i'll stay there forever" - Winnie the Pooh

what sweet words from the friendly neighborhood teddybear (:

thank you Daddy for a gd day today (: the sugar frm the countless milo drinks & lollipops kept me awake for the late night studying wit seok at the void deck. i survived. we survived (: with joseph naia's lit help and victor's hilarious quirks and dinner frm parents and the cooling night air. i left school rly tired, but smiling (:

"It is better to have loved and lost
than to never have loved at all" - Alfred Lord Tennyson

aight seeing eyelids. call of the comfy cozy bed (:

wake me up when nov ends

yet another trying day. waves that keep crashing, storms that keep coming. every time i pick myself up and hold myself together, another wave of problems come in and i fall apart. break, build, break, build. hopefully, this will be the last time i'm broken.

and i will be strong
even when it all goes wrong..

what happened to my lucky stars.. ): all placed back into the skies.

For when I am weak, then am I strong. – 2 Cor 12:10

thnx seok for being there for me when it became too much to take (: i felt alot better after.

and thnx josh for the folded paper pig haha. (: it made my day.


all hands on deck
my ship is sinking
dont let me go, dont let me drown..

counting the stars

i survived today! (: and arrived home safely in one piece without falling asleep on some random guy's shoulders again thnx to a phonecall haha. my primary agenda for today will be to sleep. (:

Please tell me your for real
Because I don't want to bleed no more

laughter is the best medicine (: and i had lotsa medicine today. sleep-deficient drowiness prolly made everything funnier hehe. and it also caused me to stumble on lots of words, phrases, numbers... and bags, legs, and pranks. OOPS. of course the rest of the time i was pretty much lost in a world of my own, dreaming about my comfy bed at home. s.t.o.n.e.

we helped cherie with art after sch (: with our amateur hands we managed to cut glass, glue glass, break glass, and break more glass. but it was rly enjoyable hehe. 4 pair of hands are better than 1 anyways! laughed all our probs away, and juz worked on the task at hand! yay muggers (:

Another day goes by
will never know just wonder why

my attempt at "beefing up" my lit essays didnt exactly work for today's timed writing ex. how on earth our senior class came out with 6 pages in 1 hour.. remains a mystery! hmph. one day i shall do that.

Always have to move on,
To leave it all behind
Go along with time

sleepy!

coincidentally, a lotta pple were tossing and turning in bed till late ytd night. sleeplessness strikes back! and unfortunately i was one of them ):

mac and i took turns sleeping during math tuition lol. so the overall class wasnt disrupted haha. but this is so not gd. nopenopenope.

day 1 of self-groundedness with sleep-inducing atmo notes as companions. rly boring. i dont feel a sense of urgency now tho i kno i shld. o well in due time.

f I kissed you
Would you lose track of time
Would you feel a surge of happiness
Running up your spine
Would you run naked in the street
with a tattoo of my name on your behind
If I kissed you.

random thots..

"I can do all through Christ who strengthens me" - Phil 4:13

jasper's memorial service today. rly moving, for God spoke to us through the songs we sang; rly meaningful, for his parents and friends attended the service even tho some of them were buddhists. indeed, we can find reason to give thanks for in every situation and circumstance. because God is good. truly, with Christ in the vessel we can smile at a storm (:

when the oceans rise and thunders roar
i will soar with You above the storm
Father You are King over the floods
I will be still
and know You are God

only He can heal the broken hearts and broken lives. as i looked back today i saw one set of footprints. and then i know that He has been carrying me through all this while. (:

You are my strength when i am weak
You are the treasure that i seek
You are my all in all

and i say, amen.

songbird

i love scents (: lovelovelove. in the bus today i caught a whiff of a rly nice scent which i liked on a guy seated next to me. it was a rly familiar scent, but i juz cldnt place it. grr. im gonna buy my future husband lots and lots of scents so that he can wear a different one everyday! haha (:

to end off a pretty morbid week, was jasper's burial. the sendoff. it was pretty much an eyeopener, for i was very much out-of-touch with buddhist rituals and chinese funeral customs, so it was all new to me. we threw in little folded straw hearts before they completed the burial, and i thot that was rly meaningful. to show our love for our dear brother will never die (: rest well brother.

before that we stopped by holland v for subway and a quick visit to the petshop. there're new puppies in it!! and they're frickin adorable. i swore i wld have done anything to cuddle them. haha im gonna make my future husband buy lots and lots of puppies for me. and im gonna love em all! hehe (:

feeling cheerier and more lighthearted today. thank you god for letting me know that im not alone in this. thank you god for the friends and family who rly care (:

now. im gonna start grounding myself. yet another day with zero work done. wait, make that a week. gotta start working. workworkwork. im gonna have no life frm now on. haha. another 9 more weeks till its all over! (:

i will run to You

Jesus shall take the highest honor
Jesus shall take the highest praise
Let all earth join heaven in exalting
The name which is above all other names
Let's bow the knee in humble adoration
For at His Name every knee shall bow
Let every tongue confess He is Christ God's only Son
Sovereign Lord we give You glory now

For all honor and blessing and power
Belongs to You, belongs to You
For all honor and blessing and power
Belongs to You, belongs to You
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God

God is truly amazing. "In my distress, I called upon the Lord, and cried out to my God. He heard my voice from His temple, and my cry came before Him even to His ears".

i wish you were here with me
to hold me, to comfort me
when the tears rolled down my cheeks..

"if we hold on together, our dreams will never die.."

God's love is abundant and sufficient. and we will pull through knowing that since He brought us to it, He'll bring us through it. (:

lets pat dry those tears, no more sniffles, mouth the words 'i will be strong'. theres always a bright side to things, always something to give thanks for, always something else to hold on to.

my heart-pillow's soon becoming my best buddy at home. always there ready to give me a BIG HUG, and always there to absorb my tears haha. alrite no more tears. joy will be strong. and cheered. and happy.

soon enough.

think of me

Think of me
think of me fondly,
when we've said goodbye.
Remember me once in a while
please promise me you'll try

easy how songs stick to my head and wont go away. easy how they conjur memories so vivid it feels like im flipping through a slideshow of thoughts. and funny how the song got stuck in my head in the first place. when joshua started whistling it and i was thinking of that exact song and we both exclaimed "oh no!" considering the title of the song haha. powers of music telepathy.

Think of all the things
we've shared and seen
don't think about the things
which might have been

a beautiful song about thinking, missing, and feeling. yet, exactly the thing which im trying not to partake in right now. for im lost in a myriad of confused thoughts. seeking answers that i have yet to find. still wish i cld talk to somebody about it. someone who wld understand exactly how it feels, someone who wld help me search for answers. wonders of the not-so-beautiful mind.

Daddy, please save me. im drowning fast : (

maybe im pmsing. i wish that that were it. i was doodling mindlessly as i always do in classes, when i realized i was scribbling "joy is sad" on the LT and NL tables. how ironic. sigh.

Think of me, think of me waking, silent and resigned

the morning migraine forced me to go to school late today. again. and on my way to sch i saw a charles look-alike who bore such striking resemblances he was fit to be his clone. except he was a punk version, donning black leather jacket, boots and standing next to a rly cool bike. F-U-N-K-Y! read somewhere last time that there was a duplicate of every person somewhere in this earth. haha i wanna find MY clone!

ah. thank God its friday. looking forward to a day of r&r wit the 87'ers tmr : ) i rly need this.




Imagine me, trying too hard to put you from my mind...

tears and rain

yes, i am the ostrich. so many times i have dug a hole, and buried my head into the ground. place myself far far away frm fear, by pretending it does not exist. the fear of getting hurt, the fear of knowing, the fear of simply, the truth. i squeeze my eyes shut, holding on to hope that things will change, times will pass, hurt will diminish. but sometimes, it just doesnt work that way.

because it cant.

If it's over, let it go and
Come tomorrow it will seem
So yesterday, so yesterday

again and again, reality presents itself at my doorstep, screaming at me to face it, fight it out man-to-man, woman-to-woman. i can run, but i cant hide forever.

so sudden. so unexpected. now you see, now you dont. everything in His time. we all prayed so hard. but once He's made up His mind, nothing's gonna change it.

we'll all remember you Jasper. thank you for being a blessing in our lives.

strength to carry on

hello stranger...
i cup my head in my hands, eyes closed. my favorite position these days. how nice to shut out the world. just for a minute. get away from the noise, the crowd, the stress, and the countless worries. how i wish..

feeling rather down today. so much to do, so little time. inevitably, i start to doubt my capabilities. i feel so drained, and this is merely the tip of the iceburg. theres a mixture of emotions felt, all whirled up inside me. i know its because of the physical fatigue and mental exhaustion that these things bother me, but it seems just a little harder today to grip onto the positive and hold on for dear life. the cramps that acted up mischeviously throughout the day did not help at all either.

keep smiling, keep shining
knowing you can always count on me
for sure

the temptation of becoming a 3-subber turns into a highly alluring prospect as the As draw nearer. maybe then i'll get a taste of how it feels like to be swimming comfortably hanging onto a raft. instead of dangerously drowning. so tempting. seems like eons ago when i was managing 9 subs including music. how i did it then, it still puzzles me.

sigh. 9 more weeks to 'hang in there'. thnx for making me smile and trying your best to help : ) i rly needed the encouragement.

From the depths of my heart to the heaven above
There I feel Your embrace and the warmth of Your love
I'm not afraid 'cause Jesus I know You are here



gdbye stranger..

epitaph from a child

Here, freed from pain, secure from misery, lies
A child, the darling of his parents' eyes:
A gentler Lamb ne'er sported on the plain,
A fairer flower will never bloom again:
Few were the days allotted to his breath;
Now let him sleep in peace his night of death.


i know he's in a better place now. without pain, without suffering.

death puts life back into perspective. it truly does.

walk away

it's alright, dear child, to cry, to weep, to pour your heart out. i'll be here by your side. to listen to you, support you, to hug you. tis inevitable the crisis of rapidly diminishing time, to cause such hurt, wounds, and tears.

let it go, let it be
dont waste all your emotions
on this tit-for-tat machine

time heals all wounds. trust me : )

"it is Fate that determines who comes into our lives, but the heart that determines who stays... "

a broken heart. broken spirit. let the healer in Heaven fill us with love, that we may learn to forgive and forget.


I feel the distance standing here next to you..

clinging on tight

cause maybe there's another plan
one i still cant see
a little surprise, like your love in my life
funny how time changes how we see

back from the downs : ) whats done is done. i cant change anything, and God granted me the gift of acceptance. so this ball's bouncing back again : )

well, i guess i vaguely kissed my overseas education gdbye. maybe that's God's answer for me. maybe it's all part of His plan. o well. juz gonna leave it all to Him. what things are meant to be, will be. He makes all things beautiful in His time : )

went for another round of grocery shopping wit my mom as part of our 'domestication training' and in prep for the potluck mooncake party. we ended up fishing for live prawns hehehe. which was a whole lot of fun. after we brought em home, we realized that the live prawns and crabs sparked more than just OUR interest. when my two furry babies came racing towards us when we brought the soon-to-be seafood home, we decided to see just how they wld react to them.


bubble and the singled-out crab..


ginger and the many live prawns..

needless to say, we all collapsed in bouts of laughter. haha. the great extent of their curiosity combined with just enough fear resulted in rather interesting behavior lol.

the party was alright. but i had a creeping migraine that left me collapsed in a chair trying to shut out the dizziness. it was a rather formidable feeling that i still cant explain. i felt almost a sort of yearning while i had the migraine. like a kid yearning for his mom when hes sick. just tt it was different considering my age. but nonetheless it made me feel like crying. it was juz so weird. a feeling of utmost vulnerability and dependability that i havent felt in ages.

garhh.. maybe i just need more sleep. and less thinking.

untitled

i love you too much to make you stay..

sappy love songs do much to a sad heart and forlorn spirit. a full day has whizzed past, and joy has succeeded in accomplising... nothing. cuz she had a bad day, and she's taking one down. haha. juz ONE. :)

bbmak. revisit to the sappiest of the sappiest. but oh so sweet.
so here i am all by myself
thinking of you nobody else
theres a feeling inside
and as hard as i try
it just wont go away

AND..., runners up goes to.. savage garden!
i knew i loved you
before i met you
i think i dreamed you into life

certainly beats the angst and wrath of eamon..
-beep- what I did
Was you're fault some how
-beep- the Presants
I threw all that shit out
-beep- all the crying
It didn't mean jack

and im just about out of my mind, soul, and spirit. maybe its time for bed.

save me

throbbing headache. poofy eyes.

blah.

idk wat to think. for the first time in a long long while, i took an afternoon nap : ) ive nv appreciated the state of unconsciousness more.

heck, i wish i cld juz sleep forever.

sweet, sweet bliss.

juz when i was starting to enjoy school.

dang.

so much for value-added. =p

and the damn swings HAD to be taken up tonight. when the full moon was so beautiful, and the heart so sad.

you gave me golden wings,
but i stil couldnt fly..

haha im starting to like mark's advice alot. 4 words. just f*ck it. dota.

i fall down on my knees,
i was blind but now i see..

rain, rain, go away..

i was at my condo's gym today. and i stood watching this young little boy perform primary 3 science experiments on the treadmill that has heart-rate-detector handbars. needless to say, i was amused : ) as per required in the "experiment" he was to perform, he took his pulse first, then started jumping up and down while on the treadmill to speed up his heartbeat. following that he tiptoed to place his hands on the handbars again to check his heart rate, but he wasnt even tall enough to reach em! haha AWWW. -so cute!!- so i decided to give him a hand. two hands actually. i lifted him to the level of the handbars. AWWW. but he was one heavy kid for his small size. i ended up speeding up MY heartbeat in all that weight lifting. haha o well but for a gd cause! : )

I laugh, i dream, i cry
when you take me on a rollercoaster ride

ok. reality check. 4th day since the start of school. flood of bad results to be released through the gates of hell tmr. in the anticipation of impending doom, i eat chocolates. haha. how better to deal with blues than to get fat. lol ok actually contrary to that, im surprisingly nonchalent bout the results. no pt worrying bout stuff that we cant change. i'll prolly worry bout it AFTER i get my results.

took some time off the library studying time to sit by the bleachers by myself. -woo.. zen- haha. but seriously, the sky is an awesome relaxant. i cld sit there forever, with drink in hand, chocolates in the other, and thoughts in the sky. haha. if only we had the time to do it more often.. we'll all be happier shinier perkier people. hehe.

10 more weeks to after As.. its short enough to count wit my fingers! yayy! we've finally graduated from the nitty-bitties of the average JC life, frm worrying bout how to skip swim pe, to escaping the penalties for eating in class, to devising ways to get past the security guard, all the way to fighting the last and final battle. as hard as its gonna be, im gonna try to enjoy the last 10 weeks of school and exams, of course, definitely with much help frm God's abundant grace : )

if at first you dont succeed, try, try again. ok im gonna TRY to study now =p
Heaven knows, i've been waiting for you..

where is my "a"?

lol a rly funny spoof i got frm lide's blog. no harm having some fun in the mugging. haha : )

what's wrong with the school mama?
people mugging like aint got no mamas
i think the whole worlds addicted to the drama
only attracted to exams that bring you trauma
overseas yeah we tryin to stop terrorism
but we still got terrorists here livin
in the HCI, the Chem Department, the Maths and Physics and the KKKeynes
but if you only have love for your DOTA
then you only leave blanks throughout your paper
and to leave blanks doesn't generate grades
and if you failing you're bound to get an ASS WHOOPING FRM UR MUM
yeah mugging is what you demonstrate
and that's exactly how studying works and operates
you gotta have *A* just to set it straight
take control of your mind and meditate
let your grades gravitate to the *A* y'all

students mugging
students dying
i am hurtin
can you hear me crying?
can you practice what you preach
would you mark more leniently?
teacher teacher teacher help us
send some sympathy from above
cause people got me got me questioning
where is my *A*?
where is my *A*?
my *A*?
my *A*?

stay on the road to your heart

With Christ in the vessel,
we can smile at a storm! : )

i didnt hear anything during devotion today, except that. such a cute song that brightened up my day : ) haha. and of course the ice-cream man song. do you know the ice-cream man, the ice-cream man, the ice-cream man... hehe it was only in dbl math tut then i realized it was actually the muffin man song. yep thats wad i learnt in today's math tutorial. =p

hmm. im beginning to get back into the groove of sch. haha. took a lil time lag there, but the countless lit lectures peppered with the 'if-you-dont-start-now-you're-dead' speeches got my heart pumping a lil faster. and so i did. i read the most ALIEN set of geog notes ever. which were tested in the prelims. hmm. pleistocene ice age, holocene epoch and what-have-you, PLUS.. oxygen isotopes O18 and O16. (-_^) it took me a min to figure out what isotopes were. maybe this isnt gonna b as easy as i thot

and. i did the smartest thing today. in my panic to find an othello text, which started 3 periods before the lit lecture when someone went "sh*t! today's the othello lecture!", my hunt for innocent J1 lit students to borrow the text frm concluded with 4 juniors, one of them being johnathan. smses were sent out, calls were made.. and finally when a book was found, johnathan replied me. "gdday babe this is johnathan frm perth speaking. you've got the wrong guy! -grin-". of all wrong smses that i've sent in this life.. i HAD to send one to australia. O.M.G. wonder how much that'll cost me.

another load of crap unloaded. phew. haha. shld prolly get down to some studying. gd luck to the pple taking prelims now!! : ) and if you're reading this, get back to studying!!

everything in its time

wish i cld fly away. leave all these behind. fast forward the time till graduation. have the last fun. and then leave. leave whatever memories, thoughts, people, everything, behind. start afresh someplace new, with a clean slate, and build a brand new life.

You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be praying every step along the way

yet, that'll prolly remain a faraway dream. for now.

funny how so many of my seniors start asking me bout my future plans now. when im most unsure of it myself. yet, i find myself telling them that i'll be going to a local college.

sigh. how i wish we were back in those times. when "all that mattered was who got the good swing first". the hakuna-matata days. speaking of which, there're new swings at my condo : ) that are slightly more elevated than the previous ones. theyve prolly taken note of how big kids tend to play at the swings nowadays hehe. but its so much more comfy riding on the swings now without having to curl up my legs as much as before : )

think positive. think positive. think positive.

grr my rejection-of-food-syndrome has returned. or rather, rejection of school food. thought it was the ice-cream man outside the sch who was the culprit for the throwing up and diarrhea (spelling?) but then it happened today as well. wads wrong wit sch food?? ahh well 4 more weeks of sch food only anyways yippee : )

yet another out-of-point entry after an out-of-point lit writing test this afternoon. im such an out-of-point person.

bollocks!

pretty picture collage! : ) its really fun creating it. and chatting to sarah on hello, and playing with all those emoticons which fall frm the top of the screen. hehehe.



my pastor gave me a ride all the way to sarah's ytd after worship prac! wee. had quite a gd talk with him on the way there. hmm : )



at sarah's we watched bend it like beckham!! great show, with hottie johnathan meyers. we realized the significance of dressing in the show, with him appearing like a druggie while clad in loose track suits, and a total hottie in white shirts!! ahhh *drools* haha it was a gd show tho. better than kung fu hustle hehe.




haha the whacky scenes frm church. celine and i wore the same shirt frm topshop today! black is back : )



a few shots frm labrador park. we went there after church today it was so fun i totally exhausted myself there. being in the park gave me so much energy, that was a gd break frm the lethargy that i had been feeling the past few days. got to kno quite a few more people there thru the games and all. it was FUN FUN FUN : ) i caught so many laughing fits while i was there haha. i thank God for such an amazing end to the hols!



there was a mini celebration for all the september babies too by my mom's cell grp. and my mom's a september babe! three cheers. haha. so there were free tasty mango cake alongside all the other gd food.. yummy.



my mom and i with the nice scenary at our backs. gosh our hair were so messed up because of the wind and the games n activities. but i rly like the scenary so who cares.

school's starting tmr. UGH. like double UGH. which will mark the start of any studying to be done. an awesome two weeks of holiday.. now it's time to settle down and get into the serious mode. craapp. im so NOT looking forward to it. difficult to find any motivation at all when we kno that the next two months're gonna b mainly hitting the books. -bang- ah well at least i've got my friends to go thru it with me : )

ahh pictures paint a thousand words. so with so many pictures.. there're prolly more than a thousand words said. so i shall end here. out. : )

everything to me

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling

choices. decisions. many of which cannot be decided even with the genius help of a deciding dice. because there just doesnt seem to be simple yes or no answers to these unanswered questions. decisions about life, about the next steps to take; the directions to head towards. sure you could do a cost-benefit analysis with it. weigh the pros and cons. but there are no right answers; no model answer scheme to refer to and correct yourself; no erasing what you've chosen and re-doing it all again.

ive always thought i knew exactly what i wanted. ive always wanted to be a doctor, and ive always wanted to study in the US. of course, the doctor part of it was pretty shattered when i was rejected for a full bio course in high school. i convinced myself to turn against doctors lol to get over the disappointment then. but when it comes to fulfilling my second dream, i hesitate, with trepidation. ive dreamed of being outward bound all this time, and now i wonder if that's what i really want. if that's what God really wants for me.

maybe im just scared. scared of stepping out of this cozy community; my safety catch that i know i can fall back on anytime. suddenly, there seems to be so many things holding me back frm pursuing an overseas education. i read about the goods, and hear about the bads, and then i see my internal contention. it's never easy, and i often admire those who know exactly what they want and go for it. unfortunately for me, i often second-guess my decisions, for the ultimate fear of regret. i often wonder, too, if my choices are pleasing to God's eyes. if im walking down the path that He has set me out to.

questions, doubts, and more dubiety. everybody goes thru em. i guess ive put mine away, and pretended they didnt exist haha. it prolly helps to have classmates who are pretty goal-oriented and focused. helps me to snap out of my laid-back, take-things-as-they-come self and start thinking about the near future.

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

it so happens that this song was playing as i was typing the post. everything in its time. perhaps its beautiful lyrics serve more than a singular purpose :p

class party was pretty fun : ) it doesnt hurt to have majority girls in the class hehe. as expected, we had another chick flick fest in hanyang's more than comfy tv room. all those tear-jerkers got my eyes rly poofy after that. beauty and the beast seem so much more romantic as i watch it now compared to when i watched it years ago, and funnier too, with ms yim's sing-a-long to its songs haha : ) love actually is just, the BEST romance movie ever. and mel baked her famous brownies woohoo saved me frm a trip to daily scoops cuz hers taste just as nice! yay : )

Baby, fly away...

just let it

Let it go, let it be
Don't waste all your emotion on this
tit-for-tat machine

an email. just an email. i read and re-read it over and over again. god, i really do miss you. emotions that welled up.. i do everything in my capability to push it back down. back down in the deep end where it belongs.

All I want to do is jump into bed
And wash away my troubles
with lemonade

= heck it. im sick of all these games =

haha im enduring the consequence of our badminton game ytd. ass-ache. ow. its almost as if i played the game with my butt. >.< makes it hard to walk normally sigh. but twas a gd workout. for me at least :p apparently wayne n edwin werent that tired.

we went to watch the longest yard after the game. at Empress. woo. that was a first. thankfully, i had no encounter whatsoever wit rats, cockroaches, or other creepy-crawlies that the theater is known for, despite edwin spilling some of his red bull on my leg. phew. they had a rather interesting ticketing system. or, the lack of. the movie passes didnt even contain the name of the movie we were watching! just three pieces of yellow paper wit.. just about nothing. haha no wonder the movie was only 6 bucks : )

Everyday can be legendary
Every minute, an endless surprise
You could be the next angel in disguise

class party today!! :D as initiated by ms yim. *gasp* i think this is gonna b one interesting party WITH our form teacher : )

picture fun! : )

hmm. ive always wondered why im so indecisive and obliging. sometimes its juz hard for me to say no. it isnt because i cant think for myself. i kno what i want. so why cant i decide for myself what i should do? it took me half a day to decide whether to go to the beach today wit the arts pple, and 1 hour before the time we were sposed to meet, my mind was still riding on the pendulum swinging btwn yes and no. tis strange. my 'im-fine-with-everything' mentality has more often than not gotten in the way of my decision making. sometimes i wish that i have cherie's deciding dice of yes, no and maybe, which came to great use when our highly indecisive class couldnt decide on theme for prom. three throws of the dice settled that promptly haha. or sometimes i wish pple will juz make certain decisions for me. ended up asking people to choose btwn 1 and 2.

well since im here posting this.. tis apparent that the pendulum stopped at 'no'. a surprising number of people chose 2, which meant 'no' haha.



paul rudd. the 'o-so-cute' guy frm the movie clueless. one of our many chick flicks : ) seok and i were swooning over him when we watched it at the sleepover haha. since im onto my photo fest thing i decided there was no harm putting up a gorgeous photo of a cute guy =p

on the topic of our sleepover.. i realized i have a tendency to fall asleep halfway through a show, and then wake up promptly at its ending. like my dad. i did that for a few of the shows we watched. not that the shows are boring (chick flicks are NEVER boring lol), maybe juz an inherited tendency haha. no explanation to that tho. hmmm.

this hols has been pretty gd so far. gd in the fun sense, but not gd in the academic arena. i was pretty mortified to find out that the A level study has commenced for a few pple. ok, correction. quite a large number of pple. science students, at that. *gasp* and then mrs cref's warnings with multiple big words starts ringing in my head. maybe i shld start studying soon...

dang i feel like cycling. missed the thrill of going downslope at full speed ever since my mountain bike got given away. BOO ): all i need now is a new bike. haha sponsors are graciously welcome! : )

Take a look at the ordinary,
no need to look for paradise

sleepover : )

the one thing that i rly wanna do now is.. SLEEP.

but since im waiting for my hair to dry.. i might as well put the time to gd use and upload the pictures frm our sleepover.

thnx mel for organizing it : ) it was rly fun : )

so.. here are some random shots that are slightly less blurred :p


rits with a rly large plastic balloon


we took quite a lotta mirror-image shots haha


grp shot in bed!


another one..


yet another mirror shot!


cherie seok and i


iris and rita haha

we were totally the epitome of the couch potato generation, basing on the fact that our entire sleepover was almost confined to the tv/bedroom with chick flicks, and ordering in macdonald's breakfast cuz we were too lazy to walk =p other than a morning crazy game of volleyball, i think we did not step out of the room except for dinner.

ah heck that was what we all needed anyways : ) chick flick saturation. plus sincity which was juz.. sick.

webshots hold the rest of the pictures for the sleepover. feel free to click.

ok all that took less than 15 minutes. n my hair aint dry yet. but im gonna sleep anyways. out.